Gotta Be Honest

So I have to admit something. I was with someone early this morning. She was cooking me breakfast, and she wanted to have sex. This is someone that I used to be with in the past, so it was nothing new. But I thought about it, and I stopped before it went that far.

I care about her, but not in that way. Not anymore at least.

I don't want to sleep around with random people. I know before I said that I was looking for some fuck buddies, but that was just the hurt and lust in me talking. Now I still want sex, and I wanna be in a relationship. I just have to wait till I am dating someone worth it.

So I now have to decide since I am single will I be going back to both men and women. I know some of you will be like why waste my time with women if I don't feel them like that, but I kinda miss women a little. So why not.

That is the topic for this blog post. Not going to be sleeping around cause I don't really want to. I like the feel of being with someone who loves me and wants to be with me. So until then I will date, but no sex unless I see some type of future with the person.

Now I am going to take a nap and then to work. I got some songs to learn and a voice lesson.

Pray for me...so many people are expecting and planning on very big things to come from and through me. It is all so daunting and kinda intimidating. I of course show a front of being strong and nothing can touch me, but to be honest I am very scared and worried about the future.

So much I don't know what is going to happen, but that is part of the journey and adventure, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

J-Bo

P.S. I don't think I was ever going to just sleep around. I don't want that anymore. I mean sometimes I miss the fun and freakiness of it all, but the risk of disease isn't worth it. Also I think it is that something about being with one person that is so much more special than many. It is harder to be with that one and I respect it more.

P.P.S. Looking forward to my international trip. I NEED A BIG CHANGE!!

Trouble Among the Vocalist

So I am getting phone calls and texts of nothing but drama coming from my old campus and the voice department. The head of the department who can't teach voice worth a damn is going above and beyond to kick out the top talent.

I am going to be there tomorrow cause I have work to do and I have music to perform. I need to see what the hell is going on and see what it is that I can do to help and keep the peace.

So I am going to be there from 7am to 7pm and then the drive home.

I gotta see what it is that I can do.

I am reaching the point where all I want is some rest. My best girl friend went to Antigua for a few weeks, another guy friend is going down to Virginia. My parents are going to Barbados and then Trinidad, and I am suppose to be going to Italy this summer.

But the summer isn't coming fast enough. I just met a guy online who is med school. He is going to Johns Hopkins and we talked for awhile. He made me think of Van and what is going on with him. I do wonder how things are going with him.

If he wants to get incontact with me he can. There are a number of ways to get in contact with me if needed.

So let me get ready for tomorrow. Gotta pack some stuff...like my music. I gotta get ready to SING!!!! :-)

Got auditions and competitions coming up...need to get ready.

God bless!!

J-Bo

Update...Nothing Big Yet

So things have been pretty good as of late. I don't have any big news, but things are getting better. I have decided to become a substitute teacher while I work on my other things. I don't want to be without anymore and this will help me stay afloat.

Some friends wanted to get together in the city and go to karaoke, but I didn't make it. I didn't feel like going out without the ez-pass and my parents didn't get home till late. I wouldn't get into the city until 2am and then that leaves me till only 3am to have fun.

Not worth it.

I was going to stay at somebodies house. There is this guy and girl that I've just been talking to that said I could stay the night if I wanted. They told me that if I needed to rest my head for the night I was more than welcome.

I'm not really feeling them, and they woulda wanted sex. I don't want to have sex with them.

For some reason my ex has been on my mind a lot. Either I've been missing him or I've thinking of him with other men.

I don't know why he is so on my mind. I really don't. I was talking to my friends that don't know anything about him just to talk it out.

They were all nice, but one of them did tell me that since he was the one who broke it off that it is clear that he doesn't love me or care about me. I don't believe that...or I don't want to believe it.

I have to remember that he is with someone else, that he is happy and in love with someone else, and that he doesn't even consider me a friend.

Also my cousin whom I do love, but the man does seem to bring and cause trouble is back in prison. Or that is what he told me at least.

So that is all there is for the most part. I know that there is more that I am doing, but nothing that I think is big enough to tell right now.

I am running and operating about 5 different businesses right now...and it is very nerve racking, but I do nothing that is not big. When I start teaching I won't have as much free time, but that isn't an excuse.

Just wait and see things are happening. :-)

Pray for me you guys...and also please pray that if it was so wrong to love and care about Van that it all go away. I don't know about him, but it seems that I am the only one feeling feelings.

Like I said it isn't even about the sex even though I do miss the touch of his hands on my body and his lips. Lemme stop cause I am getting myself all stupid over here.

I miss my friend and the man who knew me better than most.

Oh well...he is going to be going to medical school next year in the Fall. I cannot say how proud of him I am...how happy I am that he is doing what it is that he is doing.

I wonder if when he talks about medicine it is more than just a job. He was always more alive when he was talking about music, singing, performing, especially when he was talking about helping the children.

I think that something more fulfilling for him is out there, but like most and I am victim of that as well is that I get caught up on how things are suppose to happen and what is suppose to happen.

I used to think that I would have to become a teacher since I come from a family of teachers and educators. Also education is always a number 1 prioroty in my family.

But I always dreamed of being a teacher, doctor, priest/bishop, archaeologist, musician, actor, mogul, tycoon, rich, traveler, philanthropist, activist, biologist, superhero, zoologist, vet, and more.

I was a weird kid. I wanted to be and do it all.

Now I gotta get to work. My next challenge is raising money for these deals. I am so scared and nervous...I don't wanna do it. Just gotta. Already talking to people, but gotta make it official.

Update in a few.

J-Bo

Too Much Talent...Say Word!

So one of the guys that I am talking to did something that made me sit back and think. He told me that he didn't think we can hang out and be together because when he had his friends over and I started to sing I took all of the attention.

That it was no longer his show but it was mine. That I could go in and out of styles and made them all work was upsetting to him. Even my harmonizing was on point. It was nice and cool...or so I thought. I was in the zone. I even played and sang for everyone.

I of course sang Luther Vandross and it was a smash. I was going to sing John Legend, but his voice always reminds me of someone.

So now I don't think he wants to talk to me. :-)

I think he is avoiding me. Oh well...move onto the next one. I just gotta stay busy on the relationship and dating front. I don't want to bother with feelings right no until the time is right. I just wanna get to where God wants me to be...I thought that in part with my relationship that I had that part figured out and done...I was wrong.

I thought God had given me the greatest thing in the world...maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was deluded. In anyway I know the truth and I'll let God work it out for me. That is the best way. Now back to watching Glee.

I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! GLEE!!!!!!!!! It just brings a smile to my heart and soul. :-D

J-Bo

When I Was Your Man

Not saying this means anything, but I heard this while I was out driving and on my date. It came on 3x and I had to pull over the car and really listen to the words.

I really really wish that I've written this. It isn't what you think, but it really resonates with me. Now I don't know if I like it for me to sing to someone else, or for it to be sung to me.

Bruno Mars is now one of my new favorite singer-songwriters. Maybe it is just his songwriting. I love this man now...and I heard he is gay. :-D

Here is the song...enjoy!!!

J-Bo

P.S. Fell down another flight of stairs and it wasn't that bad. But still hurts a little. Damn big feet and little steps!!!!

So Many People!!

So I have set up 6 dates for the rest of the week. The guy I met on Sunday is cool and all and I will meet him again sometime during the week, but I just don't wanna become attached to anyone. I know that sounds weird, but when I meet someone that I am attracted to for more than just fun and looks then I will think about settling down.

Something weird also happened. Someone asked me about Van. They asked me if I knew how he was doing. I said no of course...I don't. I do know that he is talking to some guy though and they are getting close and personal.

If I had my best guess they will have sex within the next few months. I was agreed with. They asked me how I felt...I said it was cool. I mean I knew that it was going to happen. He's a gay man doing what comes naturally.

I wouldn't feel mad at him if it was the other way around and it was a straight man with a woman. It is what it is. All the promises and words that he shared with me are null and void. I know he said I will be the last man he sleeps with, but I have to be honest. God made him who he is and to believe that he would be with no one else is a lie.

I mean I am dating. :-)

I do need some sex though...that is the only thing. Consistent fuck buddies cause I ain't down with the illnesses.

I used to be mad and angry when I thought of him with other people, but I shut down those feelings for him awhile ago now. Now I just want him happy and able to be who he really is.

But I have to get ready for my day date tomorrow. I don't really feel any of these people for a relationship. There is one guy and girl that I am feeling kind of, but they are kinda messed up in the head. They are church kids and all sorts of drama going on in their life. Smh...can't be bothered with them.

I'll give you guys an update on other things happening in my life later...gotta go and get some more work done. I got some momentum building. Ttyl!!

J-Bo

P.S. Before anyone can say anything and maybe this is also for myself, but I really do wish Van happiness with the man he ends up with. I hope he gets the man of his dreams, and gets the family that he has always dreamed of. I know that is what I am looking for. God deliver it to me tonight.

Awesom 72 Hours!!

Hello everyone. I hope you all are doing well.

I am so happy and excited. This past weekend has been the very best. I haven't this much fun in a long time.

First all of my siblings and my sister's kids came over, and I had over A & D who came out with us, and we ate such god food. We went out for y youngest brother's bday, but it was really a chance for us all to get together and eat, laugh and have fun.

Then I get picked up by a Spanish guy who lives in the Bronx. He's 1/2 dominican and 1/2 puetro rican so that fits my taste for exotic. he has a very typical Spanish accent and way about him. He is also the minister of music at his church, and he is a counter tenor...classically trained!!

I went to go se him with A & D on Sunday...we didn't have a lot of time together since he had to go back to church. His church has 4 services. That is too much. He got on me for not going to church and said I better be there next week. That was a familiar tone and thing to say to me so that was nice.

Then I kissed him and we started to make out. Of course my hands started to wonder, and me moved them to an appropriate area. It was cute...he was calling me fresh and fast. :-)

So I am going to see him again sometime this week. I am not sure when or where, but we will work something out. Then I ended my night last night chilling with my friend and his wife and we talked, laughed, watched some crazy ass tv show and we even played some scrabble. I lost of course but I vow to get my vocabulary up and beat his wife...she is too damn good!!

Also I gotta make some plans to meet some people...I've been neglecting my friends and loved ones.

So I am in school in the library resting right now. I am really about to go to sleep and get some rest. I have a lesson, and I have to sing. There are auditions, competitions, and more that are coming up that I need to work on. Lord give me strength...I know where I am going. I know where you are taking me...just keep me moving.

A & D said that this new guy reminds them of Van. That he looks like a spanish version of him. I was annoyed when they said that...mainly because I don't see it. Besides the church boy beginnings, and minister of music.

This man can sing his ass off too...I can hear the classical training...gotta get my game up. I can't let this guy beat me. Now maybe I am interested in him cause he reminds me of some similarities of Van except the religious BS and the fact that his family controls and influences his every move.

I do wonder how he is doing, but no one I know has spoken to him. He just drifted away...I do wonder how school is going. Gotta remember that he doesn't care about me so I need to stop caring about him. I need to try to stop thinking of him.

Lemme get some work done, and then it is time to go to work.

J-Bo