So Van text me out of nowhere and I look at it and it is to ask if two friends of mine are in fact still dating and still together.
I was confused by it.
I didn't know what to say cause for one those two are always going on and off. Why go through all that drama I have no idea.
Another reason was that I didn't know why the hell it mattered to him at all. They are not happy with him. They were really hurt and felt disrespected by him. They accepted, loved, and welcomed him into their lives without judgement and without any questions.
Then he goes and do what he did.
He sure did show what it mean to have Churchianity and the state of how church trains it's youth. SMH.
But in any case I don't blame him. Look at Paula Dean and what she said and what is going on with her. It's the issues of the lies that we are fed as children that we carry into our adulthood.
I once heard that adulthood was partly getting over the trauma suffered as a child. I am starting to see the truth in that.
Back to the story.
So he asked me and I said I was lost about why he would ask that. He told me to never mind and I said ok. I was in the studio doing work so it didn't linger on my mind.
Fast forward I find out that one of the guys is going out with his sister. Not on a date, but going to go ahead and hang out. At first he wanted me to come along, but I said I didn't want to go cause I just don't want to be put in a position where I have to lie.
I am still willing to protect his secret and tell the same lies he tells himself and others, but not if I can help it. I just kept thinking her asking me about stuff and I am past the point of lying. I didn't want certain truths to come out that would lead to other things coming out.
So to keep the peace I will bow out.
Anyway I figure that his sister called him and told him what was going on and he probably thought A was going to go and try to be with her. Wrong assumptions there, but it isn't like there isn't history to support that.
So I wanted to reach out and tell him I know what it is going on, but his sister and my friend are adults and it ain't nobodies business.
Oh well...gotta work on this website cause I let it sit for too long. Gotta get a posting rhythm like I have it here. Wish me luck people.
J-Bo
P.S. Speaking about confusing text girl I'm talking to wants me to meet her kid. :-/ And a guy that I am talking to wants me to meet his mother and father and family. -_- What the hell is wrong with these people. Why is it that I cannot just rock out with no commitments and just work on doing me. Better to be single and just casually date. Still looking for some sex, but I can wait till I find someone who is worth it.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
The Out List: HBO
There is a new documentary on HBO about the LGBTQ community.
It is interesting...
You see men and women who hit all parts of the LGBTQ acronym. I wish some other people I know and admire would've been on here, but I guess it couldn't happen. Hopefully they will do another one.
But I say go and watch it. It is on HBO Demand so you can watch it anytime. It also comes on at random times so check your local listings.
But it is a great show and I really love it. Already getting somethings from it to share and give out to the other people.
My niece is now home with her mother and siblings and I am sitting here alone...looking out amongst the lush green scenery and the wild life all around me. I feel so blessed. I am nowhere near where I want to be, but where I am now ain't bad. :-)
Everyday I feel like I am sinking in quick sand, going against 50 inch steel walls, and climbing the highest mountains in the world. I am not saying this to get pity from anyone. I am saying this to say that I feel tired, but I am going to keep trucking it. Just keep me in your prayers.
Next post is about Van texting me about something I was confused about, but I now no longer am. Just wait for that one. :-)
J-Bo
It is interesting...
You see men and women who hit all parts of the LGBTQ acronym. I wish some other people I know and admire would've been on here, but I guess it couldn't happen. Hopefully they will do another one.
But I say go and watch it. It is on HBO Demand so you can watch it anytime. It also comes on at random times so check your local listings.
But it is a great show and I really love it. Already getting somethings from it to share and give out to the other people.
My niece is now home with her mother and siblings and I am sitting here alone...looking out amongst the lush green scenery and the wild life all around me. I feel so blessed. I am nowhere near where I want to be, but where I am now ain't bad. :-)
Everyday I feel like I am sinking in quick sand, going against 50 inch steel walls, and climbing the highest mountains in the world. I am not saying this to get pity from anyone. I am saying this to say that I feel tired, but I am going to keep trucking it. Just keep me in your prayers.
Next post is about Van texting me about something I was confused about, but I now no longer am. Just wait for that one. :-)
J-Bo
Thursday, June 27, 2013
My New Love!!!!
So this is about someone I would love to meet and just...well I am going to stop that thought cause my body is acting up. :-)
But this is my new love interest. He is cute, a church boy, talented, a singer, and something about him just has me looking over and over again.
My friends who know Van say that the reason I like him is because he is a dark skinned version of Van.
I can see the similarities in a lot of the things between them, but still I want him.
One of my psych friends say that I am subconsciously looking for someone that has the elements of the relationship that had everything in it that I want. I said I don't want another church boy who is gay and fighting it...not going down that road again.
I said I want a man in my life.
I think that this guy can fulfill those requirements.
Here he is...I cannot stop listening to him sing!!!!! :-)
His style is very unique and his own..much like Van's, but w/e. I love originals and people who are there own person...much like Van's brother who I swear is the man.
Btw Van asked me about some friends of mine and it was weird. He wanted to know if they were still together. Why does he even care??
They are not happy with him. They cannot believe that they treat him the way they did...as a friend, family, and a confidant and he just throws them away and treats them like they don't even matter. Sad thing is that I ain't got nothing to say on it.
His character is his character. To him what he is doing is ok...he is just like the pack. It is what it is. :-P
Here is the man many say is like Van and I don't really see it, but his voice and personality drew me in!!!!
J-Bo
P.S. He has a unique look that for some reason screams personality, and him being him. Like he is a geek, but cool, sexy, confident, and I LOVE HIM SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!!! I have decided he is nothing like Van. I just hope he doesn't believe the lie that being gay is wrong. Don't need anymore people marrying women and getting divorced or living on the DL because they cannot face reality. No time.
But this is my new love interest. He is cute, a church boy, talented, a singer, and something about him just has me looking over and over again.
My friends who know Van say that the reason I like him is because he is a dark skinned version of Van.
I can see the similarities in a lot of the things between them, but still I want him.
One of my psych friends say that I am subconsciously looking for someone that has the elements of the relationship that had everything in it that I want. I said I don't want another church boy who is gay and fighting it...not going down that road again.
I said I want a man in my life.
I think that this guy can fulfill those requirements.
Here he is...I cannot stop listening to him sing!!!!! :-)
His style is very unique and his own..much like Van's, but w/e. I love originals and people who are there own person...much like Van's brother who I swear is the man.
Btw Van asked me about some friends of mine and it was weird. He wanted to know if they were still together. Why does he even care??
They are not happy with him. They cannot believe that they treat him the way they did...as a friend, family, and a confidant and he just throws them away and treats them like they don't even matter. Sad thing is that I ain't got nothing to say on it.
His character is his character. To him what he is doing is ok...he is just like the pack. It is what it is. :-P
Here is the man many say is like Van and I don't really see it, but his voice and personality drew me in!!!!
J-Bo
P.S. He has a unique look that for some reason screams personality, and him being him. Like he is a geek, but cool, sexy, confident, and I LOVE HIM SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!!! I have decided he is nothing like Van. I just hope he doesn't believe the lie that being gay is wrong. Don't need anymore people marrying women and getting divorced or living on the DL because they cannot face reality. No time.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
My Lord What A Morning
Things are going so well yet we are still so under attack. We get DOMA to be seen as unconstitutional, and some other great things have been happening.
But on the flip side Votter Rights that were put in place to make sure that the voting rights of minorities have stayed in place has been taken away.
That means in Red States where slavery was rampart and all that things that went along with it aren't back to the extremes of the past, but that means that our voices won't be heard in those places. They even tried to get rid of Affirmative Action, but that was squashed.
We take 2 steps forward and one step back. God help us all.
But things are moving forward.
Time to get things kicked into high gear.
Back to entertaining my niece...when my brother gets in she will go to bother him and that will give me time to do some things for me. I already had to take a nap with her so she would fall asleep. Not that I am complaining...I needed it in a big way.
J-Bo
P.S. Van's brother has been all over my news feed and he is a real man to me now. I mean I have nothing but respect. He isn't afraid to stand up and let his voice be heard. He knows it won't be popular with some, but he doesn't care. He will stand up, for, and against those that he needs to. He's a shining example to many that I know.
P.P.S. Suppose to be heading to Nebraska for a gig soon hopefully. Getting a cool $8k for 3 days work. Pray that it comes through and I get to hang out with some cool people...they are part of Van's family, but still we are close and they are cool as hell. I love good people and they are good people.
But on the flip side Votter Rights that were put in place to make sure that the voting rights of minorities have stayed in place has been taken away.
That means in Red States where slavery was rampart and all that things that went along with it aren't back to the extremes of the past, but that means that our voices won't be heard in those places. They even tried to get rid of Affirmative Action, but that was squashed.
We take 2 steps forward and one step back. God help us all.
But things are moving forward.
Time to get things kicked into high gear.
Back to entertaining my niece...when my brother gets in she will go to bother him and that will give me time to do some things for me. I already had to take a nap with her so she would fall asleep. Not that I am complaining...I needed it in a big way.
J-Bo
P.S. Van's brother has been all over my news feed and he is a real man to me now. I mean I have nothing but respect. He isn't afraid to stand up and let his voice be heard. He knows it won't be popular with some, but he doesn't care. He will stand up, for, and against those that he needs to. He's a shining example to many that I know.
P.P.S. Suppose to be heading to Nebraska for a gig soon hopefully. Getting a cool $8k for 3 days work. Pray that it comes through and I get to hang out with some cool people...they are part of Van's family, but still we are close and they are cool as hell. I love good people and they are good people.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Impromptu Performance
So my day was jam packed full of stuff.
The important things were that I was able to help my voice teacher move all her boxes into her house all at one time. That was my main priority for getting into the city today,
The next thing was the last minute decision to pick up my niece and have her spend time with me. She was crying on the phone cause she was going to someone elses' house and she wanted to come with me.
So I picked her up and she is with my mom and dad now sleeping. Tomorrow I gotta find things for her to do so she can have fun. Thinking a nature hike and a swim in the pool. That should be fun.
Btw my mother got a new car and we were driving that today. When my niece saw the car she immeidiately asked if that was my friend. I was stuck and couldn't think about who she was talking about. I forgot that my ex would pick her up in the same car.
I am surprised she remembered that. She cannot remember his name, but she remembers things. Hmmm
Anyway then my friend D called me with a crisis and needed out of his house cause he was having problems with his father and brother. So I told him to come over to school and wait with me and we can go.
While we were waiting a friend from the school's gospel choir stopped me and we talked and he told me about a band that he started and they were having rehearsals. So of course he asked me to come and started telling his co-workers that I am a beast of a man with a voice to match.
I told him to stop lying.
So I went with D and my niece and it was like a show. The boy has gotten so good and his songs are so good. Then he calls me up and we make magic happen. I throw D up there and of course he was nervous, but he sang out after awhile.
Going to have to take him to karaoke and make him sing more so he can learn to deal with his nerves. It's the only way.
But we are now all in my house and it is peaceful and quiet. While we were coming in we could see the night sky being lit up with lightening. That isn't even the best of it though. I remember a time when there were so many stars in the sky it was breath taking. Then there were streaks of lightning stabbing the sky.
That was something.
That is the memory I go to sleep with. The beautiful starry night sky and a force of nature ripping through the sky.
Time for bed...got things to do tomorrow and with my niece and D here it isn't going to be easy to get done cause I gotta play host and uncle.
J-Bo
The important things were that I was able to help my voice teacher move all her boxes into her house all at one time. That was my main priority for getting into the city today,
The next thing was the last minute decision to pick up my niece and have her spend time with me. She was crying on the phone cause she was going to someone elses' house and she wanted to come with me.
So I picked her up and she is with my mom and dad now sleeping. Tomorrow I gotta find things for her to do so she can have fun. Thinking a nature hike and a swim in the pool. That should be fun.
Btw my mother got a new car and we were driving that today. When my niece saw the car she immeidiately asked if that was my friend. I was stuck and couldn't think about who she was talking about. I forgot that my ex would pick her up in the same car.
I am surprised she remembered that. She cannot remember his name, but she remembers things. Hmmm
Anyway then my friend D called me with a crisis and needed out of his house cause he was having problems with his father and brother. So I told him to come over to school and wait with me and we can go.
While we were waiting a friend from the school's gospel choir stopped me and we talked and he told me about a band that he started and they were having rehearsals. So of course he asked me to come and started telling his co-workers that I am a beast of a man with a voice to match.
I told him to stop lying.
So I went with D and my niece and it was like a show. The boy has gotten so good and his songs are so good. Then he calls me up and we make magic happen. I throw D up there and of course he was nervous, but he sang out after awhile.
Going to have to take him to karaoke and make him sing more so he can learn to deal with his nerves. It's the only way.
But we are now all in my house and it is peaceful and quiet. While we were coming in we could see the night sky being lit up with lightening. That isn't even the best of it though. I remember a time when there were so many stars in the sky it was breath taking. Then there were streaks of lightning stabbing the sky.
That was something.
That is the memory I go to sleep with. The beautiful starry night sky and a force of nature ripping through the sky.
Time for bed...got things to do tomorrow and with my niece and D here it isn't going to be easy to get done cause I gotta play host and uncle.
J-Bo
Brian Stokes Mitchell
Morning...
I gotta go and get to rehearsal soon so this will have to be fast. Then I am going to the movies on a lil date. Tell you about that one later. ;-)
But Brian Stokes Mitchell is on my list of favorite singers. The man is AWESOME!!!!!!!!
He is singing 2 songs I am learning for auditions and shows.
Tell me what you think.
J-Bo
P.S. The first and last are my favorites and one of them is from the Prince of Egypt which I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gotta go and get to rehearsal soon so this will have to be fast. Then I am going to the movies on a lil date. Tell you about that one later. ;-)
But Brian Stokes Mitchell is on my list of favorite singers. The man is AWESOME!!!!!!!!
He is singing 2 songs I am learning for auditions and shows.
Tell me what you think.
J-Bo
P.S. The first and last are my favorites and one of them is from the Prince of Egypt which I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Ain't Taking Nothin' From My Journey Now
So I want to start by saying hello and have a great Monday people. I hope all is going extremely well for you.
My day has actually started from 11:30pm yesterday till now. I took a nice nap and I have been up since then. So I just wanted to drop you guys a quick line cause I just got reminded of a valuable lesson today.
I drove into the city with my mother and father and because of leaving late and traffic we ended up not being able to drop me off and going straight to my mom's job. My father was going to drop me off. But he was going to go inside and do whatever it is that he does. Now any other time he goes inside and does stuff like that he is there for almost an hour and I am left in the car waiting.
So this time I said I am going to go inside bring my book and chill in an air conditioned room and wait.
So I have my book and I walk inside the school and my father sees me with my book and mumbles under his breathe and calls me an idiot and stupid. :-)
I fucking let him have it. My mother almost kicked us both out cause we were inside her school at the time. I apologized and gave my father a look of I dare you to say something to me again.
He kept his mouth shut.
So I am waiting and waiting and he is sitting on the computer doing nothing. So I just got my stuff and decided to walk the 30 blocks to campus.
On the way there was this guy who looked like he was about to die form the heat. I stopped and he asked me to please buy him some food. No one wanted to listen or talk to him. I spent the rest of the money I had to get him some food and something to drink. It kinda put me out, but I wanted to do it.
The reason I tell you that last part is that even when you think you are going to have to go through the motions or go through something remember that on your journey there are people you can touch even if only a little bit. I am so happy that I was able to bless him. I was so able to give him something that made him feel good, thus I feel like I did something good today.
Now the reason I came in today was to help my voice teacher move her stuff into the middle office. Today and tomorrow I am here to work hard and lend my body. She has done so much for me that this is the least that I can do for her.
Lemme go track her down, and pray my father either watches how he talks to me or I have more patience and hold my tongue. I am not looking for a fight, but I am not going to have someone diminish my worth. Call me stupid, idiot, a disappointment and get ready for a fight. Now that may not be for everyone. I know people who speak a good game and call you out of your name, but they are no one so you let it go.
But for my father to think it is ok, just tells me he is loosing his fucking mind and I will defend myself. He should know me better than that...if he doesn't then it is my job to teach him. -_-
Today I just feel like getting a job and doing that. Being an entrepreneur is so hard. Always have to be on your toes...but it is the life I want. I want to be able to do what others cannot. If I want to be able to do what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want, why I want, with whomever I want I have to do what others won't.
Pray for me people!!!!
J-Bo
My day has actually started from 11:30pm yesterday till now. I took a nice nap and I have been up since then. So I just wanted to drop you guys a quick line cause I just got reminded of a valuable lesson today.
I drove into the city with my mother and father and because of leaving late and traffic we ended up not being able to drop me off and going straight to my mom's job. My father was going to drop me off. But he was going to go inside and do whatever it is that he does. Now any other time he goes inside and does stuff like that he is there for almost an hour and I am left in the car waiting.
So this time I said I am going to go inside bring my book and chill in an air conditioned room and wait.
So I have my book and I walk inside the school and my father sees me with my book and mumbles under his breathe and calls me an idiot and stupid. :-)
I fucking let him have it. My mother almost kicked us both out cause we were inside her school at the time. I apologized and gave my father a look of I dare you to say something to me again.
He kept his mouth shut.
So I am waiting and waiting and he is sitting on the computer doing nothing. So I just got my stuff and decided to walk the 30 blocks to campus.
On the way there was this guy who looked like he was about to die form the heat. I stopped and he asked me to please buy him some food. No one wanted to listen or talk to him. I spent the rest of the money I had to get him some food and something to drink. It kinda put me out, but I wanted to do it.
The reason I tell you that last part is that even when you think you are going to have to go through the motions or go through something remember that on your journey there are people you can touch even if only a little bit. I am so happy that I was able to bless him. I was so able to give him something that made him feel good, thus I feel like I did something good today.
Now the reason I came in today was to help my voice teacher move her stuff into the middle office. Today and tomorrow I am here to work hard and lend my body. She has done so much for me that this is the least that I can do for her.
Lemme go track her down, and pray my father either watches how he talks to me or I have more patience and hold my tongue. I am not looking for a fight, but I am not going to have someone diminish my worth. Call me stupid, idiot, a disappointment and get ready for a fight. Now that may not be for everyone. I know people who speak a good game and call you out of your name, but they are no one so you let it go.
But for my father to think it is ok, just tells me he is loosing his fucking mind and I will defend myself. He should know me better than that...if he doesn't then it is my job to teach him. -_-
Today I just feel like getting a job and doing that. Being an entrepreneur is so hard. Always have to be on your toes...but it is the life I want. I want to be able to do what others cannot. If I want to be able to do what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want, why I want, with whomever I want I have to do what others won't.
Pray for me people!!!!
J-Bo
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