Not going to be long today...so tired.
Church was off the chain, and I stayed late for the evening service, just cause the preacher was this lady I like a lot...she preached a real serious word and it touched me.
So I just want to say that things are looking up.
I am feeling really overwhelmed at all the opportunities that are coming my way. I feel like I need 45 assistants and 300 staff.
If I don't do something soon I am going to burn out. I am already starting to feel my body give out on me a little...working on 6 hours sleep on 48 hours active.
So tonight is an early night...
Gnite people and I hope tomorrow finds you all better and brighter.
J-Bo
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Spreading the Good News...
So I put up a picture saying: I know God loves me because I am created and I am perfect, or something like that. I could always look at it, but I don't feel like it. Actually I will post it right now for you...duh:
So I did that and my cousin was like are you trying to tell us something because I posted it and it had the rainbow colors...I honestly didn't even see that there. I was just thinking of the message and the fact that I loved it...the words moved me.
So I of course denied being gay, because I am bi, and even though it is a loophole ppl like Van and others cannot use, I can. I am not ashamed, but I wasn't asked. Kinda feel guilty as if I lied by default, but I will deal with that later.
So I started getting into some talks with some people, and then the next thing I see is my old gospel choir leader from college starts in and says what he wants to say. I of course try to keep it light, and not go to hard, but he was going in, so I had to come back with the facts.
Then he started to say a bunch of stuff, and I knew I had him then. People just don't have the facts...they are being deceived, and I believe it is both intentionally and unintentionally. I mean most people teaching are just rehashing the same things they were taught without thinking outside themselves...funny thing religious people seem to be the most gullible and simple.
But spiritual people tend to be thinkers...and deep thinkers at that. :-)
So I felt our conversation getting kinda long and hard, so I decided that I will see him at school and have a good talk with him then. I mean I love having these discussions and sharing what I have learned.
So I want to go out and do so. I believe first and foremost my purpose...my assignment is to teach/preach and to be a leader where there are mostly followers. I have always had a bleeding heart and was seen as overly compassionate and loving. That is where my strength lies...in my kindness and compassion.
So it is a hard and dangerous road, but God is in me...so I have nothing to fear, but fear itself, and that is pretty stupid.
So now I have to prepare for this, and I am not only looking to teach, but also to learn so hopefully he can shed some light on somethings for me...as to how I can go about help to open the eyes, and bring the church further into what Jesus was all about.
I keep seeing a church body interested in traditions, rituals, and precepts. Funny cause Jesus Christ was more of a spiritual man than he was a religious one, but we have so many people tied to the religion side of things.
I cannot lie...I am scared as hell, but it is what needs to be done.
It is going to happen sooner or later...why not start with me.
Now off to church...running late. Expecting to be thoroughly blessed and entertained. Looking to get something to feed my spirit more than I get on my own. I do fine by myself, but I am really appreciaiting my time in church.
I missed Sunday School, but maybe next week, and I think Fridays and Sundays are just fine...and maybe a Wednesday for bible study...gotta see. :-)
If Van was operating in faith, trust, and truth then he would be here to kinda help me on this. I value his opinion...I miss him so much and I wanna call him. Just to hear him laugh...the door is always open on my side.
We are soul tied and hence soul mates...so he will always be a welcomed and trusted friend...and I think he knows the same is true for him. Interesting thing is that he would try to lie about it, but if we were to hang out one of two things would happen...he would be a super dick trying to keep a wall up and ruin our time together, or he would be who he is and we would have a great time...seeing some action flick.
I wanna take him to the new James Bond movie...actually I wanna go as a group. Lemme stop planning...church awaits!!!
J-Bo
So I did that and my cousin was like are you trying to tell us something because I posted it and it had the rainbow colors...I honestly didn't even see that there. I was just thinking of the message and the fact that I loved it...the words moved me.
So I of course denied being gay, because I am bi, and even though it is a loophole ppl like Van and others cannot use, I can. I am not ashamed, but I wasn't asked. Kinda feel guilty as if I lied by default, but I will deal with that later.
So I started getting into some talks with some people, and then the next thing I see is my old gospel choir leader from college starts in and says what he wants to say. I of course try to keep it light, and not go to hard, but he was going in, so I had to come back with the facts.
Then he started to say a bunch of stuff, and I knew I had him then. People just don't have the facts...they are being deceived, and I believe it is both intentionally and unintentionally. I mean most people teaching are just rehashing the same things they were taught without thinking outside themselves...funny thing religious people seem to be the most gullible and simple.
But spiritual people tend to be thinkers...and deep thinkers at that. :-)
So I felt our conversation getting kinda long and hard, so I decided that I will see him at school and have a good talk with him then. I mean I love having these discussions and sharing what I have learned.
So I want to go out and do so. I believe first and foremost my purpose...my assignment is to teach/preach and to be a leader where there are mostly followers. I have always had a bleeding heart and was seen as overly compassionate and loving. That is where my strength lies...in my kindness and compassion.
So it is a hard and dangerous road, but God is in me...so I have nothing to fear, but fear itself, and that is pretty stupid.
So now I have to prepare for this, and I am not only looking to teach, but also to learn so hopefully he can shed some light on somethings for me...as to how I can go about help to open the eyes, and bring the church further into what Jesus was all about.
I keep seeing a church body interested in traditions, rituals, and precepts. Funny cause Jesus Christ was more of a spiritual man than he was a religious one, but we have so many people tied to the religion side of things.
I cannot lie...I am scared as hell, but it is what needs to be done.
It is going to happen sooner or later...why not start with me.
Now off to church...running late. Expecting to be thoroughly blessed and entertained. Looking to get something to feed my spirit more than I get on my own. I do fine by myself, but I am really appreciaiting my time in church.
I missed Sunday School, but maybe next week, and I think Fridays and Sundays are just fine...and maybe a Wednesday for bible study...gotta see. :-)
If Van was operating in faith, trust, and truth then he would be here to kinda help me on this. I value his opinion...I miss him so much and I wanna call him. Just to hear him laugh...the door is always open on my side.
We are soul tied and hence soul mates...so he will always be a welcomed and trusted friend...and I think he knows the same is true for him. Interesting thing is that he would try to lie about it, but if we were to hang out one of two things would happen...he would be a super dick trying to keep a wall up and ruin our time together, or he would be who he is and we would have a great time...seeing some action flick.
I wanna take him to the new James Bond movie...actually I wanna go as a group. Lemme stop planning...church awaits!!!
J-Bo
When you ask God answers...but maybe not in the way you think.
I awoke this morning, and this was on my spirit. It came from me watching a funny, but heartfelt movie, and it really helped to open my eyes and mind to seeing more than one way.
It was simply this...when you pray for courage does God give you courage or give you the chance to have courage.
When you ask for anything does he give it to you, or does he give you the opportunity to have it, and obtain it?? It isn't always cut and dry, cause some things are not meant to be changed cause there is nothing wrong.
For example being born black, or into a very diverse family where your genetic make up is diverse and exotic.
Some other things that are not meant to be changed are people with certain "disabilities" that come around and change our lives. I know a few people who have gone as far as having no legs and arms, but go around the world teaching people to accept who they are and use that to make a difference. I know people born with diseases that attack their bones, and are stuck in wheelchairs, but have a thriving business and travels around the world and meets the most beautiful women.
Here is the video so you can see for yourself. It teaches us that there are more than one ways to see a story, because sometimes we get stuck in seeing it one way. Also the bible didn't say for the animals to be 2 by 2...the numbers are actually different. Won't get into that...I mean I just accepted that it was 2 by 2 my whole life...told you group ignorance is still ignorance.
J-Bo
It was simply this...when you pray for courage does God give you courage or give you the chance to have courage.
When you ask for anything does he give it to you, or does he give you the opportunity to have it, and obtain it?? It isn't always cut and dry, cause some things are not meant to be changed cause there is nothing wrong.
For example being born black, or into a very diverse family where your genetic make up is diverse and exotic.
Some other things that are not meant to be changed are people with certain "disabilities" that come around and change our lives. I know a few people who have gone as far as having no legs and arms, but go around the world teaching people to accept who they are and use that to make a difference. I know people born with diseases that attack their bones, and are stuck in wheelchairs, but have a thriving business and travels around the world and meets the most beautiful women.
Here is the video so you can see for yourself. It teaches us that there are more than one ways to see a story, because sometimes we get stuck in seeing it one way. Also the bible didn't say for the animals to be 2 by 2...the numbers are actually different. Won't get into that...I mean I just accepted that it was 2 by 2 my whole life...told you group ignorance is still ignorance.
J-Bo
Saturday, November 10, 2012
105th Holy Convocation
So I am not COGIC, but kinda sorta have an attachment to them only through Van.
I have other friends in COGIC, but honestly Van is the one who drew me in, and at least put them on my radar...I am not a denomination man. I believe God is waiting for his people to be unified and together, and that requires one united church.
Not pentecostals, methodist, etc. Just people coming together to praise God not pumping up their denom...cause in the kingdom there will be no denominations...there will only be the unified church.
So I am sitting here watching the 105th Holy Convocation via live web-stream and it is very good. Well the singing is.
The choir is ok, and are adding to the atmosphere, but my man Micah Stampley is performing, and he is KILLING!!!! I really do love his voice and anointing...such a man of God.
So I am going to watch as much as possible, and watch the preaching.
I cannot help, but wonder if Van is at this event too, and where he is exactly.
I cannot get over the music...some of it is not my taste, but then they have some that is OFF THE CHAIN!!!!
I know Tamela Mann performed last night among others, and I really wanted to hear her. Oh well...I know it will be online probably now and I can pick and choose.
On that note lemme get back to listening, cause more music is coming on, and I wanna enjoy it.
For all of you who want to watch and get something then here you go. Just be careful on some of the preaching or what ppl say. Some have the truth and some don't.
http://cogicislive.com
J-Bo
I have other friends in COGIC, but honestly Van is the one who drew me in, and at least put them on my radar...I am not a denomination man. I believe God is waiting for his people to be unified and together, and that requires one united church.
Not pentecostals, methodist, etc. Just people coming together to praise God not pumping up their denom...cause in the kingdom there will be no denominations...there will only be the unified church.
So I am sitting here watching the 105th Holy Convocation via live web-stream and it is very good. Well the singing is.
The choir is ok, and are adding to the atmosphere, but my man Micah Stampley is performing, and he is KILLING!!!! I really do love his voice and anointing...such a man of God.
So I am going to watch as much as possible, and watch the preaching.
I cannot help, but wonder if Van is at this event too, and where he is exactly.
I cannot get over the music...some of it is not my taste, but then they have some that is OFF THE CHAIN!!!!
I know Tamela Mann performed last night among others, and I really wanted to hear her. Oh well...I know it will be online probably now and I can pick and choose.
On that note lemme get back to listening, cause more music is coming on, and I wanna enjoy it.
For all of you who want to watch and get something then here you go. Just be careful on some of the preaching or what ppl say. Some have the truth and some don't.
http://cogicislive.com
J-Bo
God I need help!!!
Just wanted to let it be known that I love God with all my heart and all my soul.
As I sit here, I am just overwhelmed with emotion. I pray that God continues the work he is doing in my life.
It is a good feeling, but I feel like a piece of me is missing. I am asking all of you to have God fix that part of me...to fill that part of my spirit again with a love he blesses.
Everything is going well, and it looks like it is getting better, but I am looking for God to work in my life again, and bring a man into my life where we both fall head over heals for each other. Where we get lost in each other, and push each other.
Where we help each other grow and demand the best. Someone who challenges me, and forces me to grow. Someone who I can be an asset to. Someone that I can grow in all areas of my life with.
I want what I had with Van. It was so good, and so beautiful to love and be loved.
Something that very few people ever experience, and even less keep it. I ask that God give it to me again. I have so much love to give and experience...I want someone who at the very basic level is ok and happy with who they are, but want more.
I hope that you guys can pray this prayer with me...the truth is I don't want anyone else. Van and I worked well, but with the religious stuff it is a hurdle that I cannot do anything, but let God work.
I just got off with Dishone and he told me that he is done, cause him and Aaron are bumping heads, and this time the problem is with Aaron. That man is very stubborn, and so pig headed. I love him, but he needs to change, and as long as he feels he is perfect and nothing wrong with him he will be stuck.
Van and I didn't have that...we were always growing and changing, and doing and becoming more. I mean we had our fights, but we were learning each other so well.
I want that again...the only thing holding us back was that he refused to see and accept the truth about the bible and God. It seems it would take changing his entire COGIC faith for his to accept and open his heart to the truth.
What to do? What to do? What to do?
So God please send me someone to love, and someone who will love me back 110%. Honestly I ask that God send me the love I have had, but with growth and maturity, in knowing the true intentions of God.
Now to try and get some work done.
I wonder how Med School stuff is going with Van??
J-Bo
As I sit here, I am just overwhelmed with emotion. I pray that God continues the work he is doing in my life.
It is a good feeling, but I feel like a piece of me is missing. I am asking all of you to have God fix that part of me...to fill that part of my spirit again with a love he blesses.
Everything is going well, and it looks like it is getting better, but I am looking for God to work in my life again, and bring a man into my life where we both fall head over heals for each other. Where we get lost in each other, and push each other.
Where we help each other grow and demand the best. Someone who challenges me, and forces me to grow. Someone who I can be an asset to. Someone that I can grow in all areas of my life with.
I want what I had with Van. It was so good, and so beautiful to love and be loved.
Something that very few people ever experience, and even less keep it. I ask that God give it to me again. I have so much love to give and experience...I want someone who at the very basic level is ok and happy with who they are, but want more.
I hope that you guys can pray this prayer with me...the truth is I don't want anyone else. Van and I worked well, but with the religious stuff it is a hurdle that I cannot do anything, but let God work.
I just got off with Dishone and he told me that he is done, cause him and Aaron are bumping heads, and this time the problem is with Aaron. That man is very stubborn, and so pig headed. I love him, but he needs to change, and as long as he feels he is perfect and nothing wrong with him he will be stuck.
Van and I didn't have that...we were always growing and changing, and doing and becoming more. I mean we had our fights, but we were learning each other so well.
I want that again...the only thing holding us back was that he refused to see and accept the truth about the bible and God. It seems it would take changing his entire COGIC faith for his to accept and open his heart to the truth.
What to do? What to do? What to do?
So God please send me someone to love, and someone who will love me back 110%. Honestly I ask that God send me the love I have had, but with growth and maturity, in knowing the true intentions of God.
Now to try and get some work done.
I wonder how Med School stuff is going with Van??
J-Bo
Friday, November 9, 2012
Eating disorders, relationship problems, and more
So I am trying to do my own work, and keep myself busy. When I am not busy I think of Van and wonder what he is doing, and how he is feeling.
Like right now I wonder if he is thinking about me, during those down times, when nothing is going on...or when things are going on.
Anyway I need to talk about this girl who said she has a eating disorder, and she needs help. She cried for help, so now I am just waiting to see if she will reach out to me and accept my help. I know I can make a change in her life, but I just have to let her walk through the door.
Now Aaron and Dishone are going at it again, but not really. Honestly Aaron is stressed out with financial issues, and feels Dishone isn't being as supportive as he should be.
Honestly Aaron is being stubborn and not communicating in a way that Dishone is understanding, and Aaron wants Dishone to make moves like he does. He is expecting to see things how he sees them, but he is feeling Dishone isn't giving it to him.
Honestly this is where Aaron is falling short.
That boy is so stubborn that he may do what Dishone is good at doing...sabotaging.
What to do??
J-Bo
P.S. I really wanna know how Van is doing at Holy Convocation. I bet his grandmother is watching him like a hawk!!! Keeping him from going around and doing stuff...not that he would. I know he just wants to be like everyone else...just being able to come and go, but he will never be free. But he seems to like being under their rule. I have to leave and go to this girl's bday party...all I wanna do is stay home and read a book...and a nice hot long bath. Smh...feeling old. :-)
Like right now I wonder if he is thinking about me, during those down times, when nothing is going on...or when things are going on.
Anyway I need to talk about this girl who said she has a eating disorder, and she needs help. She cried for help, so now I am just waiting to see if she will reach out to me and accept my help. I know I can make a change in her life, but I just have to let her walk through the door.
Now Aaron and Dishone are going at it again, but not really. Honestly Aaron is stressed out with financial issues, and feels Dishone isn't being as supportive as he should be.
Honestly Aaron is being stubborn and not communicating in a way that Dishone is understanding, and Aaron wants Dishone to make moves like he does. He is expecting to see things how he sees them, but he is feeling Dishone isn't giving it to him.
Honestly this is where Aaron is falling short.
That boy is so stubborn that he may do what Dishone is good at doing...sabotaging.
What to do??
J-Bo
P.S. I really wanna know how Van is doing at Holy Convocation. I bet his grandmother is watching him like a hawk!!! Keeping him from going around and doing stuff...not that he would. I know he just wants to be like everyone else...just being able to come and go, but he will never be free. But he seems to like being under their rule. I have to leave and go to this girl's bday party...all I wanna do is stay home and read a book...and a nice hot long bath. Smh...feeling old. :-)
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Engaged!!!!!
So my cousin just told me that he got engaged to his boyfriend of 2 years.
I am so happy for him, and I swear I feel like singing and celebrating.
I just told him about Van and how I am happy that someone made it work despite the craziness out there...he said he didn't know I was into guys.
That is stupid cause I told him when he was last in the city...that just goes to show you how no one cares like that. Some maybe shocked, but it isn't all that big in the news area.
So that is what I wanted to say for right now...gotta go to school, and just get to some work, and see about some moves.
I need to make some moves people. Stay warm and safe, and those of you on the east coast be safe cause we are suppose to be in for another storm. Not as bad, but you never know.
Remember God is good, and nothing happens that is not in his will. Love first, and keep that in your mind and heart.
Make at least 2 other people happy today!!!!
J-Bo
I am so happy for him, and I swear I feel like singing and celebrating.
I just told him about Van and how I am happy that someone made it work despite the craziness out there...he said he didn't know I was into guys.
That is stupid cause I told him when he was last in the city...that just goes to show you how no one cares like that. Some maybe shocked, but it isn't all that big in the news area.
So that is what I wanted to say for right now...gotta go to school, and just get to some work, and see about some moves.
I need to make some moves people. Stay warm and safe, and those of you on the east coast be safe cause we are suppose to be in for another storm. Not as bad, but you never know.
Remember God is good, and nothing happens that is not in his will. Love first, and keep that in your mind and heart.
Make at least 2 other people happy today!!!!
J-Bo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)