Discovering Me Everyday

I forgot to give you guys the new blog. DUH!!!! :-)

So here is the title and address of the blog:

Discovering Me Everyday

discoveringmeallday.blogspot.com

There it is. Going to try and see if I can point this to the new blog, but if I cannot the website is above.

Click here to go there now

J-Bo

Still In Chains

So I called Tony to talk to him and Pastor about what happened to Trayvon and his family.

When I call I get more than what I bargained for.

Apparently Tony and Pastor aren't talking right now for some reason.

According to Tony Pastor still goes back and forth every once and awhile, but his episodes are far and few in between.

I cannot believe that is still going on...I am very disappointed.

Tony did say that it is the stress of living 2 lives. It is the stress of not being able to totally come out. The stress of living a lie is starting to get to him.

I say that he should just come out of the closet. He should claim his freedom. Sure he will face some serious consequences, but he can move on and get a life he really wants with another church.

But that is part of the problem.

Pastor really loves his church and he is willing to go to extremes and kill himself slowly to make them happy and proud.

Not what Jesus has in mind for him, but people do stupid things all the time.

Sad.

J-Bo

Not Guilty

So the man who killed Trayvon Martin (he doesn't warrant his name being said) has gone free.

I had to admit from bits and pieces that I saw of the trial on TV and talking to my lawyer friends I did see this coming, but I held out hope nontheless.

This is a sad day, and proves that we have so far to go. We cannot let this be our story...not even a little.

I am so scared for my people...my country...my home.

If it ain't one thing then it is another.

It seems like we take one step forward and then 2 steps back.

God please heal the hearts and minds of your people. Make us whole and continue to strive for balance and peace within you.

With that I head off to bed. I am going to take tomorrow to pray and meditate. To get myself more centered. This week is a big week for me so I cannot allow anything to hold me back. I walk with Trayvon on my heart.

I do the things that he know cannot, and stand on his shoulders and take him with me wherever I go.

J-Bo

P.S. Tomorrow is going to be the last day for this blog. Time for a new beginning...time for a new chapter. :-)

I Did Good

So I am in the club house that belongs to all the residents in the community where I live. It's nice...got a gym, pool, kitchen, bathrooms, showers, etc. Nice place.

So I come here to do some thinking and work on some business stuff.

In comes this guy who looks pretty cute, and we exchange names and I get back to what I was doing.

He sits down next to me and we start talking more. He tells me about issues with his life and with his baby moms and his daughter.

So I give him a quick session, and help him to reevaluate and change somethings. He starts to feel better.

He felt so comfortable talking to me that he even started crying. I was touched and also a little shocked...what makes people just do that with me? What do they see, feel, sense from me?

So we talk and he gives me a vibe of come and get it. I think he did anyway. I was going to make a move and see what was what, but then I remembered that I didn't have a condom and so squashed it.

Lord that was tempting, but I cannot do that with people who I help. It wouldn't be right. I know that because of my position I am very, very influential and can do things, but I cannot do anything like that.

God I need a man, and maybe even a girl. LOL.

I wonder what is going on with Van? He was on my mind today as I was studying and doing some work. I wonder if I will ever see him again? I wonder if he remembers me?

J-Bo

Why Me?!?!?!

So I invited this guy over I met awhile back. I was horny and no one is home and I just needed to bust a good nut.

So he comes over and we start talking, but I was done with all of that and was like I want my dick sucked...and some ass.

So I am looking forward to getting some action. He sees some music that I have out and ask me if I am a musician. I say I am. He ask me if I am also a vocalist...I say I am. We chat for a little while, and I am just ready to get started.

He tells me his church is looking for singers if I am interested. That kinda piqued my interest especially when he mentions they pay their lead singers and need low male voices.

So we start singing some hymns, and start singing harmonies. Low and behold he is awesome at them, and I ask him where he goes to church.

He says the name and then ends it off with COGIC. -_-

My stomache dropped. I was like please lord not another one!!!

We start singing again and he tells me I am good, but my harmony skills could use some work. I almost slapped him with my dick for that one, but he is right. I don't have the experience that he does so I need more work.

I told him my ex had brought harmony singing into my life and the lives of many others singers at my school. I said he was also COGIC and a very skilled and annointed singer. He asked his name I said it's not important.

So we go back to business and he gives me head and I desperately wanna suck and fuck.

Just when I was about to throw caution to the wind (I have a condom just was gonna suck without one not fuck), but while giving me head his phone rings. He answers while sucking my dick.

Come to find out that he is the Pastor for his church...well associate pastor. Still doesn't matter cause at least he knows he is gay and that there is nothing wrong with it. He says his church is one of many in the COGIC umbrella that preaches that truth, but is careful cause ignorance runs deep in the church.

Who is he telling?!?!?!

So he gets back to business and I think it is all going to go well, when I finish with him swallowing me he ask me if we can do this again. I say it is possible.

Then the big thing to fuck things up.

He ask me about Van again. I asked him why? He said he just wanted to know who I was with...I said who I was with means nothing...whom I am with now is all that matters, and I am single and that is all that matters.

He actually gets mad. Accuses me of still being in love with Van cause I won't give up his information, and then says he why won't I tell him who the faggot queen is.

I don't like those words. I don't like anyone trying to make people feel like they are less than human. Those words do nothing, but spread hatred, prejudice, and intolerance.

I cannot see him again, and I do not want to deal with him. I did promise I'd visit his church during rehearsal to see the musical director. I will honor that promise, but that is all I will do.

He may know the truth about that God loves all his people no matter the sexuality and we are all destined for heaven, but his character sucks. I'm done with him.

Why can I not meet better quality people. I need to find someone who complements me, and who can be a partner and an asset, but who is a whole person, and not so damn quick to spit vile.

God send him or her to me. Now I gotta get ready to see this girl a friend set me up with...she's a dancer and actress. So hopefully she is a little more enlightened.

J-Bo

P.S. I got a $50 million and a $14.6 million dollar property that is being offered to me. How am I gonna make this happen?? But if I do then my fee for putting the deal together can be as much as $146,000 to $730,000 on the lower one. God I love this business.

Pray that things work out well for me - I am doing things that scare me to no end.

Fatherless Sons

So I had a conversation with my friends and it was on being a fatherless son.

Of course I couldn't really speak on much except very little.

I have my father and I've always had male father figures in my life. From grandfathers, uncles, cousins, mentors, and teachers. I have been very blessed in my life.

One of the key things that I've learned is that being an absentee father is more than just not being there...you can actually be in your son's life all day everyday and still be emotionally, and mentally distant.

My father is so the opposite of that.

He is still ready to have a convo all day everyday.

I am sure that things were different when I was younger, but now we kinda have a good relationship, but it is more like two tigers occupying the same space.

I know that I have to move out and go do me, so that we can have a more decent relationship. Seeing each other all the time, and him refusing to treat me a certain way isn't going to help anyone at all. So I know when that happens things will work out for the best.

I am so lucky to have parents, immediate family, extended family, and friends who love and support me for who I am. God has blessed me abundantly and I wasn't given these gifts to take them for granted.

Time for bed....big day tomorrow and I have no time to waste. I cannot wait to wake up. :-)

J-Bo

P.S. While I was with my friends Van's name kept coming up. Nothing bad...just asking me about lessons that I've learned and if I ever think about or miss him.

I do think about him from time to time. Things pop up that make me think about him. And do I miss him?? I miss the friendship and the connection we had. I don't miss the romantic relationship cause with it came too much drama.

What to do about it?? Nothing. It ain't about me. My friend asked me if I am moving on...I said I've already moved on. I don't want back with a bad situation. The man who caused the relationship to split or should I say the behaviors that caused the split won't be tolerated by anyone with commonsense and I am a commonsense man.

Another one asked me if he was in trouble or if he reached out to me would I be there. I said of course. How can I call myself a follower of Christ and treat anyone like that...especially someone that I still consider one of the closest people in my life. I cannot say the same for him, but that is why I am one of a kind. ;-)

P.P.S. Going hard for mine. Just going out and failing on a daily basis...it is scary, but I am making moves and learning a lot. Gotta keep the momentum going!!!!

Sunday's Best

So the kids are finally gone and I do miss them, but it is so good to be home alone and have some peace and quiet.

The highlight of my night is watching Sunday's Best. It was a 2 hour season premiere.

Just about everyone who didn't make it failed because they couldn't sing a melody straight to save their life. Made me think of an argument with Van. It feels so good to be vindicated.

The ones who did make it and did riff too much made it because they kept the integrity of the melody intact and their riffs were on point and had a good beginning to end. But even those who I felt did that didn't make it cause again you take away from the song if you do too much.

It doesn't matter if you sing the whole song and all your tricks are connected and on point...SING THE FUCKING MELODY!!!!!

The other side who didn't make it, just couldn't sing at all. Like not even a little bit.

Now I am watching Kevin Hart's comedy special CRYING!!!! No matter how many times I see this it still has me on the floor.

Time for bed...big long day tomorrow and I wanna be out before anyone wakes up.

J-Bo