I forgot to give you guys the new blog. DUH!!!! :-)
So here is the title and address of the blog:
Discovering Me Everyday
discoveringmeallday.blogspot.com
There it is. Going to try and see if I can point this to the new blog, but if I cannot the website is above.
Click here to go there now
J-Bo
Monday, July 15, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Still In Chains
So I called Tony to talk to him and Pastor about what happened to Trayvon and his family.
When I call I get more than what I bargained for.
Apparently Tony and Pastor aren't talking right now for some reason.
According to Tony Pastor still goes back and forth every once and awhile, but his episodes are far and few in between.
I cannot believe that is still going on...I am very disappointed.
Tony did say that it is the stress of living 2 lives. It is the stress of not being able to totally come out. The stress of living a lie is starting to get to him.
I say that he should just come out of the closet. He should claim his freedom. Sure he will face some serious consequences, but he can move on and get a life he really wants with another church.
But that is part of the problem.
Pastor really loves his church and he is willing to go to extremes and kill himself slowly to make them happy and proud.
Not what Jesus has in mind for him, but people do stupid things all the time.
Sad.
J-Bo
When I call I get more than what I bargained for.
Apparently Tony and Pastor aren't talking right now for some reason.
According to Tony Pastor still goes back and forth every once and awhile, but his episodes are far and few in between.
I cannot believe that is still going on...I am very disappointed.
Tony did say that it is the stress of living 2 lives. It is the stress of not being able to totally come out. The stress of living a lie is starting to get to him.
I say that he should just come out of the closet. He should claim his freedom. Sure he will face some serious consequences, but he can move on and get a life he really wants with another church.
But that is part of the problem.
Pastor really loves his church and he is willing to go to extremes and kill himself slowly to make them happy and proud.
Not what Jesus has in mind for him, but people do stupid things all the time.
Sad.
J-Bo
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Not Guilty
So the man who killed Trayvon Martin (he doesn't warrant his name being said) has gone free.
I had to admit from bits and pieces that I saw of the trial on TV and talking to my lawyer friends I did see this coming, but I held out hope nontheless.
This is a sad day, and proves that we have so far to go. We cannot let this be our story...not even a little.
I am so scared for my people...my country...my home.
If it ain't one thing then it is another.
It seems like we take one step forward and then 2 steps back.
God please heal the hearts and minds of your people. Make us whole and continue to strive for balance and peace within you.
With that I head off to bed. I am going to take tomorrow to pray and meditate. To get myself more centered. This week is a big week for me so I cannot allow anything to hold me back. I walk with Trayvon on my heart.
I do the things that he know cannot, and stand on his shoulders and take him with me wherever I go.
J-Bo
P.S. Tomorrow is going to be the last day for this blog. Time for a new beginning...time for a new chapter. :-)
I had to admit from bits and pieces that I saw of the trial on TV and talking to my lawyer friends I did see this coming, but I held out hope nontheless.
This is a sad day, and proves that we have so far to go. We cannot let this be our story...not even a little.
I am so scared for my people...my country...my home.
If it ain't one thing then it is another.
It seems like we take one step forward and then 2 steps back.
God please heal the hearts and minds of your people. Make us whole and continue to strive for balance and peace within you.
With that I head off to bed. I am going to take tomorrow to pray and meditate. To get myself more centered. This week is a big week for me so I cannot allow anything to hold me back. I walk with Trayvon on my heart.
I do the things that he know cannot, and stand on his shoulders and take him with me wherever I go.
J-Bo
P.S. Tomorrow is going to be the last day for this blog. Time for a new beginning...time for a new chapter. :-)
Friday, July 12, 2013
I Did Good
So I am in the club house that belongs to all the residents in the community where I live. It's nice...got a gym, pool, kitchen, bathrooms, showers, etc. Nice place.
So I come here to do some thinking and work on some business stuff.
In comes this guy who looks pretty cute, and we exchange names and I get back to what I was doing.
He sits down next to me and we start talking more. He tells me about issues with his life and with his baby moms and his daughter.
So I give him a quick session, and help him to reevaluate and change somethings. He starts to feel better.
He felt so comfortable talking to me that he even started crying. I was touched and also a little shocked...what makes people just do that with me? What do they see, feel, sense from me?
So we talk and he gives me a vibe of come and get it. I think he did anyway. I was going to make a move and see what was what, but then I remembered that I didn't have a condom and so squashed it.
Lord that was tempting, but I cannot do that with people who I help. It wouldn't be right. I know that because of my position I am very, very influential and can do things, but I cannot do anything like that.
God I need a man, and maybe even a girl. LOL.
I wonder what is going on with Van? He was on my mind today as I was studying and doing some work. I wonder if I will ever see him again? I wonder if he remembers me?
J-Bo
So I come here to do some thinking and work on some business stuff.
In comes this guy who looks pretty cute, and we exchange names and I get back to what I was doing.
He sits down next to me and we start talking more. He tells me about issues with his life and with his baby moms and his daughter.
So I give him a quick session, and help him to reevaluate and change somethings. He starts to feel better.
He felt so comfortable talking to me that he even started crying. I was touched and also a little shocked...what makes people just do that with me? What do they see, feel, sense from me?
So we talk and he gives me a vibe of come and get it. I think he did anyway. I was going to make a move and see what was what, but then I remembered that I didn't have a condom and so squashed it.
Lord that was tempting, but I cannot do that with people who I help. It wouldn't be right. I know that because of my position I am very, very influential and can do things, but I cannot do anything like that.
God I need a man, and maybe even a girl. LOL.
I wonder what is going on with Van? He was on my mind today as I was studying and doing some work. I wonder if I will ever see him again? I wonder if he remembers me?
J-Bo
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Why Me?!?!?!
So I invited this guy over I met awhile back. I was horny and no one is home and I just needed to bust a good nut.
So he comes over and we start talking, but I was done with all of that and was like I want my dick sucked...and some ass.
So I am looking forward to getting some action. He sees some music that I have out and ask me if I am a musician. I say I am. He ask me if I am also a vocalist...I say I am. We chat for a little while, and I am just ready to get started.
He tells me his church is looking for singers if I am interested. That kinda piqued my interest especially when he mentions they pay their lead singers and need low male voices.
So we start singing some hymns, and start singing harmonies. Low and behold he is awesome at them, and I ask him where he goes to church.
He says the name and then ends it off with COGIC. -_-
My stomache dropped. I was like please lord not another one!!!
We start singing again and he tells me I am good, but my harmony skills could use some work. I almost slapped him with my dick for that one, but he is right. I don't have the experience that he does so I need more work.
I told him my ex had brought harmony singing into my life and the lives of many others singers at my school. I said he was also COGIC and a very skilled and annointed singer. He asked his name I said it's not important.
So we go back to business and he gives me head and I desperately wanna suck and fuck.
Just when I was about to throw caution to the wind (I have a condom just was gonna suck without one not fuck), but while giving me head his phone rings. He answers while sucking my dick.
Come to find out that he is the Pastor for his church...well associate pastor. Still doesn't matter cause at least he knows he is gay and that there is nothing wrong with it. He says his church is one of many in the COGIC umbrella that preaches that truth, but is careful cause ignorance runs deep in the church.
Who is he telling?!?!?!
So he gets back to business and I think it is all going to go well, when I finish with him swallowing me he ask me if we can do this again. I say it is possible.
Then the big thing to fuck things up.
He ask me about Van again. I asked him why? He said he just wanted to know who I was with...I said who I was with means nothing...whom I am with now is all that matters, and I am single and that is all that matters.
He actually gets mad. Accuses me of still being in love with Van cause I won't give up his information, and then says he why won't I tell him who the faggot queen is.
I don't like those words. I don't like anyone trying to make people feel like they are less than human. Those words do nothing, but spread hatred, prejudice, and intolerance.
I cannot see him again, and I do not want to deal with him. I did promise I'd visit his church during rehearsal to see the musical director. I will honor that promise, but that is all I will do.
He may know the truth about that God loves all his people no matter the sexuality and we are all destined for heaven, but his character sucks. I'm done with him.
Why can I not meet better quality people. I need to find someone who complements me, and who can be a partner and an asset, but who is a whole person, and not so damn quick to spit vile.
God send him or her to me. Now I gotta get ready to see this girl a friend set me up with...she's a dancer and actress. So hopefully she is a little more enlightened.
J-Bo
P.S. I got a $50 million and a $14.6 million dollar property that is being offered to me. How am I gonna make this happen?? But if I do then my fee for putting the deal together can be as much as $146,000 to $730,000 on the lower one. God I love this business.
Pray that things work out well for me - I am doing things that scare me to no end.
So he comes over and we start talking, but I was done with all of that and was like I want my dick sucked...and some ass.
So I am looking forward to getting some action. He sees some music that I have out and ask me if I am a musician. I say I am. He ask me if I am also a vocalist...I say I am. We chat for a little while, and I am just ready to get started.
He tells me his church is looking for singers if I am interested. That kinda piqued my interest especially when he mentions they pay their lead singers and need low male voices.
So we start singing some hymns, and start singing harmonies. Low and behold he is awesome at them, and I ask him where he goes to church.
He says the name and then ends it off with COGIC. -_-
My stomache dropped. I was like please lord not another one!!!
We start singing again and he tells me I am good, but my harmony skills could use some work. I almost slapped him with my dick for that one, but he is right. I don't have the experience that he does so I need more work.
I told him my ex had brought harmony singing into my life and the lives of many others singers at my school. I said he was also COGIC and a very skilled and annointed singer. He asked his name I said it's not important.
So we go back to business and he gives me head and I desperately wanna suck and fuck.
Just when I was about to throw caution to the wind (I have a condom just was gonna suck without one not fuck), but while giving me head his phone rings. He answers while sucking my dick.
Come to find out that he is the Pastor for his church...well associate pastor. Still doesn't matter cause at least he knows he is gay and that there is nothing wrong with it. He says his church is one of many in the COGIC umbrella that preaches that truth, but is careful cause ignorance runs deep in the church.
Who is he telling?!?!?!
So he gets back to business and I think it is all going to go well, when I finish with him swallowing me he ask me if we can do this again. I say it is possible.
Then the big thing to fuck things up.
He ask me about Van again. I asked him why? He said he just wanted to know who I was with...I said who I was with means nothing...whom I am with now is all that matters, and I am single and that is all that matters.
He actually gets mad. Accuses me of still being in love with Van cause I won't give up his information, and then says he why won't I tell him who the faggot queen is.
I don't like those words. I don't like anyone trying to make people feel like they are less than human. Those words do nothing, but spread hatred, prejudice, and intolerance.
I cannot see him again, and I do not want to deal with him. I did promise I'd visit his church during rehearsal to see the musical director. I will honor that promise, but that is all I will do.
He may know the truth about that God loves all his people no matter the sexuality and we are all destined for heaven, but his character sucks. I'm done with him.
Why can I not meet better quality people. I need to find someone who complements me, and who can be a partner and an asset, but who is a whole person, and not so damn quick to spit vile.
God send him or her to me. Now I gotta get ready to see this girl a friend set me up with...she's a dancer and actress. So hopefully she is a little more enlightened.
J-Bo
P.S. I got a $50 million and a $14.6 million dollar property that is being offered to me. How am I gonna make this happen?? But if I do then my fee for putting the deal together can be as much as $146,000 to $730,000 on the lower one. God I love this business.
Pray that things work out well for me - I am doing things that scare me to no end.
Fatherless Sons
So I had a conversation with my friends and it was on being a fatherless son.
Of course I couldn't really speak on much except very little.
I have my father and I've always had male father figures in my life. From grandfathers, uncles, cousins, mentors, and teachers. I have been very blessed in my life.
One of the key things that I've learned is that being an absentee father is more than just not being there...you can actually be in your son's life all day everyday and still be emotionally, and mentally distant.
My father is so the opposite of that.
He is still ready to have a convo all day everyday.
I am sure that things were different when I was younger, but now we kinda have a good relationship, but it is more like two tigers occupying the same space.
I know that I have to move out and go do me, so that we can have a more decent relationship. Seeing each other all the time, and him refusing to treat me a certain way isn't going to help anyone at all. So I know when that happens things will work out for the best.
I am so lucky to have parents, immediate family, extended family, and friends who love and support me for who I am. God has blessed me abundantly and I wasn't given these gifts to take them for granted.
Time for bed....big day tomorrow and I have no time to waste. I cannot wait to wake up. :-)
J-Bo
P.S. While I was with my friends Van's name kept coming up. Nothing bad...just asking me about lessons that I've learned and if I ever think about or miss him.
I do think about him from time to time. Things pop up that make me think about him. And do I miss him?? I miss the friendship and the connection we had. I don't miss the romantic relationship cause with it came too much drama.
What to do about it?? Nothing. It ain't about me. My friend asked me if I am moving on...I said I've already moved on. I don't want back with a bad situation. The man who caused the relationship to split or should I say the behaviors that caused the split won't be tolerated by anyone with commonsense and I am a commonsense man.
Another one asked me if he was in trouble or if he reached out to me would I be there. I said of course. How can I call myself a follower of Christ and treat anyone like that...especially someone that I still consider one of the closest people in my life. I cannot say the same for him, but that is why I am one of a kind. ;-)
P.P.S. Going hard for mine. Just going out and failing on a daily basis...it is scary, but I am making moves and learning a lot. Gotta keep the momentum going!!!!
Of course I couldn't really speak on much except very little.
I have my father and I've always had male father figures in my life. From grandfathers, uncles, cousins, mentors, and teachers. I have been very blessed in my life.
One of the key things that I've learned is that being an absentee father is more than just not being there...you can actually be in your son's life all day everyday and still be emotionally, and mentally distant.
My father is so the opposite of that.
He is still ready to have a convo all day everyday.
I am sure that things were different when I was younger, but now we kinda have a good relationship, but it is more like two tigers occupying the same space.
I know that I have to move out and go do me, so that we can have a more decent relationship. Seeing each other all the time, and him refusing to treat me a certain way isn't going to help anyone at all. So I know when that happens things will work out for the best.
I am so lucky to have parents, immediate family, extended family, and friends who love and support me for who I am. God has blessed me abundantly and I wasn't given these gifts to take them for granted.
Time for bed....big day tomorrow and I have no time to waste. I cannot wait to wake up. :-)
J-Bo
P.S. While I was with my friends Van's name kept coming up. Nothing bad...just asking me about lessons that I've learned and if I ever think about or miss him.
I do think about him from time to time. Things pop up that make me think about him. And do I miss him?? I miss the friendship and the connection we had. I don't miss the romantic relationship cause with it came too much drama.
What to do about it?? Nothing. It ain't about me. My friend asked me if I am moving on...I said I've already moved on. I don't want back with a bad situation. The man who caused the relationship to split or should I say the behaviors that caused the split won't be tolerated by anyone with commonsense and I am a commonsense man.
Another one asked me if he was in trouble or if he reached out to me would I be there. I said of course. How can I call myself a follower of Christ and treat anyone like that...especially someone that I still consider one of the closest people in my life. I cannot say the same for him, but that is why I am one of a kind. ;-)
P.P.S. Going hard for mine. Just going out and failing on a daily basis...it is scary, but I am making moves and learning a lot. Gotta keep the momentum going!!!!
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Sunday's Best
So the kids are finally gone and I do miss them, but it is so good to be home alone and have some peace and quiet.
The highlight of my night is watching Sunday's Best. It was a 2 hour season premiere.
Just about everyone who didn't make it failed because they couldn't sing a melody straight to save their life. Made me think of an argument with Van. It feels so good to be vindicated.
The ones who did make it and did riff too much made it because they kept the integrity of the melody intact and their riffs were on point and had a good beginning to end. But even those who I felt did that didn't make it cause again you take away from the song if you do too much.
It doesn't matter if you sing the whole song and all your tricks are connected and on point...SING THE FUCKING MELODY!!!!!
The other side who didn't make it, just couldn't sing at all. Like not even a little bit.
Now I am watching Kevin Hart's comedy special CRYING!!!! No matter how many times I see this it still has me on the floor.
Time for bed...big long day tomorrow and I wanna be out before anyone wakes up.
J-Bo
The highlight of my night is watching Sunday's Best. It was a 2 hour season premiere.
Just about everyone who didn't make it failed because they couldn't sing a melody straight to save their life. Made me think of an argument with Van. It feels so good to be vindicated.
The ones who did make it and did riff too much made it because they kept the integrity of the melody intact and their riffs were on point and had a good beginning to end. But even those who I felt did that didn't make it cause again you take away from the song if you do too much.
It doesn't matter if you sing the whole song and all your tricks are connected and on point...SING THE FUCKING MELODY!!!!!
The other side who didn't make it, just couldn't sing at all. Like not even a little bit.
Now I am watching Kevin Hart's comedy special CRYING!!!! No matter how many times I see this it still has me on the floor.
Time for bed...big long day tomorrow and I wanna be out before anyone wakes up.
J-Bo
Friday, July 5, 2013
Ignorance is Contagious
Just wanted to share these videos with you to hopefully help confirm and open some of your eyes to the truth.
J-Bo
J-Bo
When Did You Choose To Be Straight?
So I have a great question for all of you as I write some songs:
When Did You Choose To Be Straight?
I'm serious...answer the question. For all of you out there who are LGBTQ I guess you can answer that question too. When did you choose to be like you are?
Or is it more when did you choose to fully accept?
These are the questions we need to start asking each other.
J-BO
When Did You Choose To Be Straight?
I'm serious...answer the question. For all of you out there who are LGBTQ I guess you can answer that question too. When did you choose to be like you are?
Or is it more when did you choose to fully accept?
These are the questions we need to start asking each other.
J-BO
Feeling Revitalized
I don't know the last time I just woke up so early and felt ready for the world.
I don't know what happened yesterday. Literally all I did was play mediator, soothsayer, friend, cousin, and mentor.
I wanted so bad to get away from them for awhile, but I couldn't. Took them to the pool and it damn nearly killed me. LOL.
It was so hot and I ended up not going into the pool cause I was making business calls and dealing with business stuff. I really wanted to have someone else there to watch them while I go inside and do work in the shade, but I ended up in sun baking. -_-
But I did it for them and let them stay out there for an hour.
Came back home and my sister and her kids were here and some other fam and the food wasn't totally ready. We finally started eating, and I became more and more off duty.
I made all the kids go to bed at 10, but then gave the 3 oldest a reprieve to stay awake with the older the people while I went to bed, and had the 3 youngest with me. Of course they weren't happy, but they had a long day.
2/3 fell asleep immediately. 1 of them was holding out cause he said he wasn't tired, but he too fell after awhile.
So my brother is going to be watching them today. They better watch out...he is way more quick to anger and lashing out than I am. He is very much more harsh. But compared to my middle brother he is a piece of cake.
My middle brother woulda done beat the shit outta all of them just to teach them a quick a lesson on who's the boss. Smh.
So now I am awake and feel like taking on the world, and everyone else in my house is knocked out. Time for some tea cause I need my voice, and shower, and then I am out.
Enjoy your day people.
J-Bo
I don't know what happened yesterday. Literally all I did was play mediator, soothsayer, friend, cousin, and mentor.
I wanted so bad to get away from them for awhile, but I couldn't. Took them to the pool and it damn nearly killed me. LOL.
It was so hot and I ended up not going into the pool cause I was making business calls and dealing with business stuff. I really wanted to have someone else there to watch them while I go inside and do work in the shade, but I ended up in sun baking. -_-
But I did it for them and let them stay out there for an hour.
Came back home and my sister and her kids were here and some other fam and the food wasn't totally ready. We finally started eating, and I became more and more off duty.
I made all the kids go to bed at 10, but then gave the 3 oldest a reprieve to stay awake with the older the people while I went to bed, and had the 3 youngest with me. Of course they weren't happy, but they had a long day.
2/3 fell asleep immediately. 1 of them was holding out cause he said he wasn't tired, but he too fell after awhile.
So my brother is going to be watching them today. They better watch out...he is way more quick to anger and lashing out than I am. He is very much more harsh. But compared to my middle brother he is a piece of cake.
My middle brother woulda done beat the shit outta all of them just to teach them a quick a lesson on who's the boss. Smh.
So now I am awake and feel like taking on the world, and everyone else in my house is knocked out. Time for some tea cause I need my voice, and shower, and then I am out.
Enjoy your day people.
J-Bo
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Happy 4th of July!!
So I just wanted to give everyone a quick happy 4th!!!
This goes out to mostly my Americans and those who celebrate American Holidays.
I got 8 kids in my house from 6-13 and they are LOUD!!!!
I am giving them until 12:30 to get to bed so they are using up as much of that time as possible.
So I want to be in bed, but I have to wait till the time I said...I wanna be fair and honest.
Something funny happened earlier today. My brother and I were having a medical debate on instant kills. We were watching an action movie and someone got killed by being stabbed in the neck and it seemed to be an instant kill.
I said it can happen and my brother said it couldn't. He told me to call Van to get his opinion since he is the medical person in my life. That shocked me that he would say his name...he didn't seem to care very much about him.
It was very interesting.
It did make me wonder how he is doing, and what is going on with him. I wish him the best and he stays in my prayers.
So I need to get my stuff together...I am not going to be left in the dust and that means I need to work 1 million times harder than I am now. Harder and smarter....
Enjoy this great holiday...I know I will.
J-Bo
This goes out to mostly my Americans and those who celebrate American Holidays.
I got 8 kids in my house from 6-13 and they are LOUD!!!!
I am giving them until 12:30 to get to bed so they are using up as much of that time as possible.
So I want to be in bed, but I have to wait till the time I said...I wanna be fair and honest.
Something funny happened earlier today. My brother and I were having a medical debate on instant kills. We were watching an action movie and someone got killed by being stabbed in the neck and it seemed to be an instant kill.
I said it can happen and my brother said it couldn't. He told me to call Van to get his opinion since he is the medical person in my life. That shocked me that he would say his name...he didn't seem to care very much about him.
It was very interesting.
It did make me wonder how he is doing, and what is going on with him. I wish him the best and he stays in my prayers.
So I need to get my stuff together...I am not going to be left in the dust and that means I need to work 1 million times harder than I am now. Harder and smarter....
Enjoy this great holiday...I know I will.
J-Bo
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Why God...Why Me?!?!?!
Why couldn't be like everyone else?
Why couldn't I just be like one of the regular folks?
Why couldn't I just settle and get a regular job and be?
I coulda been a teacher, scientist, doctor, politician, and just about anything else?
Why did I have to be all that I am? What am I suppose to accomplish? What am I going to do with this life?
The sad thing is the thought of living a regular life seems so abnormally boring to me.
I just have to keep doing and becoming more and better.
So tomorrow I am doing more for my businesses and I need to revitalize the website. I just need to get things together and become the very best that I can be.
God help me, cause I feel I am moving the planet and others just are walking up a hill. It would be easy to get a job and just make a good living and do what I do.
I cannot think about that. Just gotta do what I am meant to do.
More info later.
J-Bo
Why couldn't I just be like one of the regular folks?
Why couldn't I just settle and get a regular job and be?
I coulda been a teacher, scientist, doctor, politician, and just about anything else?
Why did I have to be all that I am? What am I suppose to accomplish? What am I going to do with this life?
The sad thing is the thought of living a regular life seems so abnormally boring to me.
I just have to keep doing and becoming more and better.
So tomorrow I am doing more for my businesses and I need to revitalize the website. I just need to get things together and become the very best that I can be.
God help me, cause I feel I am moving the planet and others just are walking up a hill. It would be easy to get a job and just make a good living and do what I do.
I cannot think about that. Just gotta do what I am meant to do.
More info later.
J-Bo
Monday, July 1, 2013
“Ex-Gay Isn’t Exactly Over”: Mel White writing for Advocate.com
Article from:
http://www.soulforce.org/blog/ex-gay-isnt-exactly-over-mel-white-writing-for-advocate-com/
In the past few days, many have celebrated the headline “Exodus International Closes Down.” And we should rightfully thank Alan Chambers for his confession that “ex-gay therapy” does not work and for his apology for the “pain and hurt” it has cost so many of us. I saw Alan issue his apology at the last Exodus conference. He was sincere and contrite. Even if you don’t trust Alan’s motives, you have to admit that his confession and apology are a giant step forward in undermining the credibility of those who continue to hold out the false promises made by the ex-gay movement.
On the other hand, we should not allow ourselves to believe that the ex-gay movement died with the closure of Exodus. Quite the contrary. Alan’s apology has motivated ex-gay loyalists to hunker down and commit to riding out the storm, reorganizing. and eventually reemerging with an even more militant dedication to their belief that that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people can and must be “cured.”
The Exodus (ex-gay) faithful are now uniting under a new name, the Restored Hope Network, currently being organized by Anne Paulk. She admits proudly that this will be an ex-gay ministry. In her online testimony she describes the network’s “cure” for us in these words: “Jesus got hold of me and that was the end of my homosexuality.” Paulk is one of several ex-gays who participated in a national ad campaign and what was probably the highest moment of visibility for their movement, appearing on the cover of Newsweek with her (now openly gay) husband, John, in 1998.
The board of this old nightmare in new trappings includes the same laundry list of fundamentalist leaders whose names are associated with decades of biblical misuse, scientific ignorance, and harm to LGBT people: Matt Barber, Robert Gagnon, Joseph Nicolosi, Leanne Payne, Janet Parshall, Mat Staver, and 11 other megachurch pastors and right-wing organizers. The terrible suffering caused by Exodus and the failure of its ex-gay therapies flows directly and indirectly out of the false teachings of these fundamentalist Christian leaders.
These hard-core ex-gay promoters really believe that those who “give in” to their “temptations” will find “their lives ruined and their souls damned.” My worst fear is that the more than 250 ex-gay ministries located in the U.S. and 17 other countries that were once associated with Exodus will simply sign up with the Hope Restored Network instead of following Alan Chambers’s example.
Let’s not kid ourselves. These local ex-gay ministries know that their therapies do not work and that they personally are responsible for suffering and even death. One need only look at the suicide rates among LGBT youth rejected by their families, communities, and houses of worship to see the impact.
The real difference between Paulk’s Restored Hope Network and Chambers’s new Reduce Fear organization is their ultimate goal for LGBT people. The old word “cure” is out. “Change” is in.
Consider the Restored Hope Network as the hard-core “changers” who are committed to the failed methods of Exodus and Reduce Fear as the soft-core “changers” who practice “change lite.”
At the recent Exodus Freedom Conference, Chambers’s own testimony inadvertently described “change lite.” The first step for the soft-core “changers” is to admit that that they cannot “cure” you, that no matter how hard you try your feelings will still exist.
Chambers also admitted quite openly that he still “struggles” with his desires, and in deciding not to “act on those desires,” he describes the second step toward soft-core change. Alan and the other soft-core changers don’t describe same-sex attraction or sexuality as sin (that’s the hard-core way), but they do cling to the old notion that the only sexual relationships in keeping with God’s plan for are those between one man with one woman.
It’s very likely that Chambers’s Reduce Fear ministry will offer loving counsel to those who struggle against their sexual orientation. It is also likely that it will help churches organize small groups for dialogue (not unlike Alcoholics Anonymous’s group meetings) and publish new materials for soft-core change that emphasize mercy and not judgment.
But just beneath that loving, nonjudgmental surface there remains, whether spoken or not, the belief that change is still the ideal outcome. Which makes this all the more insidious and dangerous. Chambers’s change will not call for LGBT people to become heterosexual but for sexually active individuals to become self-accepting but celibate lesbian or gay persons.
For those who choose not to remain celibate or fail at celibacy, the group will hold up as an example Chambers’s loving relationship with his wife, Leslie. Soft-core changers will teach that sexually active lesbian or gay people should enter into “traditional” opposite-sex marriages or into a relationship with an opposite-sex fellow “struggler.” This sounds a lot like the apostle Paul’s unfortunate advice that “if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Cor. 7:9).
Here’s the problem. Alan Chambers and Anne Paulk are different only in degree. As long as change is involved in a ministry, it remains an ex-gay ministry. Hard-core change demands that our natural sexual orientation be cured or at least denied. Soft-core change asks gently and lovingly (although it does not demand) that we live unnatural lives by refusing to be the people we were created to be.
Alan and Leslie Chambers are obviously in love. It is perfectly appropriate for Alan to decide that being married to a heterosexual woman is worth holding his homosexuality in check. But it is not perfectly appropriate for him to set himself up as an example on which to build an entire ministry.
If his Reduce Fear ministry would say, “It’s OK to accept your homosexuality as a gift from God. It’s OK to be in a loving same-sex relationship. If that’s your decision, Reduce Fear will support you in every way,” then it could also say, “But if you decide to struggle against your orientation in order to stay in a loving relationship with a heterosexual spouse, we will support you in that decision as well.”
As long as Alan Chambers even implies that not accepting your sexual orientation is the better way, he has not ended his ex-gay ministry. He has just reorganized it as a kinder, gentler form of Exodus. I’m afraid that one day he will have to confess that his new kinder, gentler change methods didn’t work either and apologize again for the suffering and death he and his ministry have caused.
THE REVEREND DR. MEL WHITE is the cofounder of Soulforce, the recipient of the ACLU’S National Civil Liberties Award, and author of Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America and Holy Terror: Lies the Christian Right Tells Us to Deny Gay Equality.
http://www.soulforce.org/blog/ex-gay-isnt-exactly-over-mel-white-writing-for-advocate-com/
In the past few days, many have celebrated the headline “Exodus International Closes Down.” And we should rightfully thank Alan Chambers for his confession that “ex-gay therapy” does not work and for his apology for the “pain and hurt” it has cost so many of us. I saw Alan issue his apology at the last Exodus conference. He was sincere and contrite. Even if you don’t trust Alan’s motives, you have to admit that his confession and apology are a giant step forward in undermining the credibility of those who continue to hold out the false promises made by the ex-gay movement.
On the other hand, we should not allow ourselves to believe that the ex-gay movement died with the closure of Exodus. Quite the contrary. Alan’s apology has motivated ex-gay loyalists to hunker down and commit to riding out the storm, reorganizing. and eventually reemerging with an even more militant dedication to their belief that that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people can and must be “cured.”
The Exodus (ex-gay) faithful are now uniting under a new name, the Restored Hope Network, currently being organized by Anne Paulk. She admits proudly that this will be an ex-gay ministry. In her online testimony she describes the network’s “cure” for us in these words: “Jesus got hold of me and that was the end of my homosexuality.” Paulk is one of several ex-gays who participated in a national ad campaign and what was probably the highest moment of visibility for their movement, appearing on the cover of Newsweek with her (now openly gay) husband, John, in 1998.
The board of this old nightmare in new trappings includes the same laundry list of fundamentalist leaders whose names are associated with decades of biblical misuse, scientific ignorance, and harm to LGBT people: Matt Barber, Robert Gagnon, Joseph Nicolosi, Leanne Payne, Janet Parshall, Mat Staver, and 11 other megachurch pastors and right-wing organizers. The terrible suffering caused by Exodus and the failure of its ex-gay therapies flows directly and indirectly out of the false teachings of these fundamentalist Christian leaders.
These hard-core ex-gay promoters really believe that those who “give in” to their “temptations” will find “their lives ruined and their souls damned.” My worst fear is that the more than 250 ex-gay ministries located in the U.S. and 17 other countries that were once associated with Exodus will simply sign up with the Hope Restored Network instead of following Alan Chambers’s example.
Let’s not kid ourselves. These local ex-gay ministries know that their therapies do not work and that they personally are responsible for suffering and even death. One need only look at the suicide rates among LGBT youth rejected by their families, communities, and houses of worship to see the impact.
The real difference between Paulk’s Restored Hope Network and Chambers’s new Reduce Fear organization is their ultimate goal for LGBT people. The old word “cure” is out. “Change” is in.
Consider the Restored Hope Network as the hard-core “changers” who are committed to the failed methods of Exodus and Reduce Fear as the soft-core “changers” who practice “change lite.”
At the recent Exodus Freedom Conference, Chambers’s own testimony inadvertently described “change lite.” The first step for the soft-core “changers” is to admit that that they cannot “cure” you, that no matter how hard you try your feelings will still exist.
Chambers also admitted quite openly that he still “struggles” with his desires, and in deciding not to “act on those desires,” he describes the second step toward soft-core change. Alan and the other soft-core changers don’t describe same-sex attraction or sexuality as sin (that’s the hard-core way), but they do cling to the old notion that the only sexual relationships in keeping with God’s plan for are those between one man with one woman.
It’s very likely that Chambers’s Reduce Fear ministry will offer loving counsel to those who struggle against their sexual orientation. It is also likely that it will help churches organize small groups for dialogue (not unlike Alcoholics Anonymous’s group meetings) and publish new materials for soft-core change that emphasize mercy and not judgment.
But just beneath that loving, nonjudgmental surface there remains, whether spoken or not, the belief that change is still the ideal outcome. Which makes this all the more insidious and dangerous. Chambers’s change will not call for LGBT people to become heterosexual but for sexually active individuals to become self-accepting but celibate lesbian or gay persons.
For those who choose not to remain celibate or fail at celibacy, the group will hold up as an example Chambers’s loving relationship with his wife, Leslie. Soft-core changers will teach that sexually active lesbian or gay people should enter into “traditional” opposite-sex marriages or into a relationship with an opposite-sex fellow “struggler.” This sounds a lot like the apostle Paul’s unfortunate advice that “if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Cor. 7:9).
Here’s the problem. Alan Chambers and Anne Paulk are different only in degree. As long as change is involved in a ministry, it remains an ex-gay ministry. Hard-core change demands that our natural sexual orientation be cured or at least denied. Soft-core change asks gently and lovingly (although it does not demand) that we live unnatural lives by refusing to be the people we were created to be.
Alan and Leslie Chambers are obviously in love. It is perfectly appropriate for Alan to decide that being married to a heterosexual woman is worth holding his homosexuality in check. But it is not perfectly appropriate for him to set himself up as an example on which to build an entire ministry.
If his Reduce Fear ministry would say, “It’s OK to accept your homosexuality as a gift from God. It’s OK to be in a loving same-sex relationship. If that’s your decision, Reduce Fear will support you in every way,” then it could also say, “But if you decide to struggle against your orientation in order to stay in a loving relationship with a heterosexual spouse, we will support you in that decision as well.”
As long as Alan Chambers even implies that not accepting your sexual orientation is the better way, he has not ended his ex-gay ministry. He has just reorganized it as a kinder, gentler form of Exodus. I’m afraid that one day he will have to confess that his new kinder, gentler change methods didn’t work either and apologize again for the suffering and death he and his ministry have caused.
THE REVEREND DR. MEL WHITE is the cofounder of Soulforce, the recipient of the ACLU’S National Civil Liberties Award, and author of Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America and Holy Terror: Lies the Christian Right Tells Us to Deny Gay Equality.
500 Business E-Mails
So I just got done answering 500 business e-mails that were sent within the last 2-1/2 months.
DAMN!!! :-/
It was so damn exhausting, but I got it down and I know look and 40 of them have responded and I have to responded to those e-mails now too.
I always wonder how people can have 5+ deals going at the same time and not feel overwhelmed. I gotta find out how to master that one real fast.
I have also learned 3 questions according to one of my mentors that he asked himself when he was in a fatal car crash. He almost lost his life and when he was on the crossroads he thought of 3 questions.
The 3 questions that he asked himself are:
It was the most transformational for me. I still love him and I respect and honor him for the role he played in my life, but I do that while moving forward and moving on. If our paths cross than we shall see who we are when that happens, but if not than that is ok too.
I look forward to loving again that strongly cause I never felt so good and vulnerable in my life. I CANNOT WAIT!!!! :-D
Sidenote: A friend of mine who works at Old Navy is now engaged to a very famous musician. The man she is marrying is very well known and he doesn't care that she isn't like other women in his life. She is on a different level, but they work. They compliment each other.
Back to my points.
This is one area that scares me, because I am not scared of dying...just of leaving too soon.
God help me with this one.
So this is where I am right now. This is where I am currently, but I am always evolving and growing and changing.
Now back to growing multiple businesses at once. What the hell is wrong with me?!?!??! But I wouldn't be me if I wasn't doing many things at once. I need that to help keep me interested.
J-Bo
P.S. Talked to my boys in San Fran and they are doing great. Things are happening. Still some issues, but that is true of any relationship and I've thought them the tools they can use to get better and do more.
P.P.S. Pastor and Tony are doing awesome. Just spoke to Tony. I think Pastor is at AIM Convention. Don't ask. But Pastor is making babies like crazy trying to continue his legacy, and they both are looking into Tony having some kids. I should say more kids, cause I didn't realize he has 3 kids with another woman. O_o Don't even ask cause I don't know. In any case they are still hiding their relationship of course and Pastor is getting good at hiding it. I just wish them the best cause I could not be about that life...I am not a liar and I am not ashamed. I've come too far!!!
DAMN!!! :-/
It was so damn exhausting, but I got it down and I know look and 40 of them have responded and I have to responded to those e-mails now too.
I always wonder how people can have 5+ deals going at the same time and not feel overwhelmed. I gotta find out how to master that one real fast.
I have also learned 3 questions according to one of my mentors that he asked himself when he was in a fatal car crash. He almost lost his life and when he was on the crossroads he thought of 3 questions.
The 3 questions that he asked himself are:
- Did I love?
- Did I live?
- Did I even matter?
- Did I love
It was the most transformational for me. I still love him and I respect and honor him for the role he played in my life, but I do that while moving forward and moving on. If our paths cross than we shall see who we are when that happens, but if not than that is ok too.
I look forward to loving again that strongly cause I never felt so good and vulnerable in my life. I CANNOT WAIT!!!! :-D
Sidenote: A friend of mine who works at Old Navy is now engaged to a very famous musician. The man she is marrying is very well known and he doesn't care that she isn't like other women in his life. She is on a different level, but they work. They compliment each other.
Back to my points.
- Did I live?
This is one area that scares me, because I am not scared of dying...just of leaving too soon.
- Did I even matter?
God help me with this one.
So this is where I am right now. This is where I am currently, but I am always evolving and growing and changing.
Now back to growing multiple businesses at once. What the hell is wrong with me?!?!??! But I wouldn't be me if I wasn't doing many things at once. I need that to help keep me interested.
J-Bo
P.S. Talked to my boys in San Fran and they are doing great. Things are happening. Still some issues, but that is true of any relationship and I've thought them the tools they can use to get better and do more.
P.P.S. Pastor and Tony are doing awesome. Just spoke to Tony. I think Pastor is at AIM Convention. Don't ask. But Pastor is making babies like crazy trying to continue his legacy, and they both are looking into Tony having some kids. I should say more kids, cause I didn't realize he has 3 kids with another woman. O_o Don't even ask cause I don't know. In any case they are still hiding their relationship of course and Pastor is getting good at hiding it. I just wish them the best cause I could not be about that life...I am not a liar and I am not ashamed. I've come too far!!!
Awesome Sunday!!!
I have had the greatest day today.
First I had such a spiritually awakening moment...I don't want to go into details, but I swear that I cannot wait to share what I know to be true with the world.
Then I got to watch the BET Awards. I was enjoying it so so at first, but then they had a West Indian segment, Charlie Wilson was honored for a lifetime achievement award, and Janelle Monae killed her performance tonight.
Then of course I had to catch my True Blood, and I ended the night watching Sunday's Best sneak peak. It was really good and had me acting a fool.
The one thing though is that even the judges were not feeling all the crazy riffing for no reason. There had to be a point to what you were doing...not that you could do it, but it was for something.
SING THE DAMN MELODIES!!!!! Made me want to call on some people who I've had this argument with in the past and get my point across. :-)
So I know that there are others who've had a very big and crazy day and probably got into more than I did, but I am happy with what I've been able to accomplish.
Now to bed. Got an interview tomorrow and I need to do some more marketing. Business doesn't drum up itself.
J-Bo
First I had such a spiritually awakening moment...I don't want to go into details, but I swear that I cannot wait to share what I know to be true with the world.
Then I got to watch the BET Awards. I was enjoying it so so at first, but then they had a West Indian segment, Charlie Wilson was honored for a lifetime achievement award, and Janelle Monae killed her performance tonight.
Then of course I had to catch my True Blood, and I ended the night watching Sunday's Best sneak peak. It was really good and had me acting a fool.
The one thing though is that even the judges were not feeling all the crazy riffing for no reason. There had to be a point to what you were doing...not that you could do it, but it was for something.
SING THE DAMN MELODIES!!!!! Made me want to call on some people who I've had this argument with in the past and get my point across. :-)
So I know that there are others who've had a very big and crazy day and probably got into more than I did, but I am happy with what I've been able to accomplish.
Now to bed. Got an interview tomorrow and I need to do some more marketing. Business doesn't drum up itself.
J-Bo
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