Am I trifling???

So I got a phone call from my mother telling me to bring her a banana and yogurt when I go get my father...

...

...

...

You guys don't know me, but I hate when people do that to me...don't make plans for me. My father is a grown ass man who can take the train home. And he can walk to the store an get you a banana and yogurt.

Don't assume I have nothing to do, and will be home waiting for you to call me. I was 2 seconds from saying I am busy, and I am not going to be able to make it.

They lucky I wasn't in bed knocked out. Smh...Van said that I am trifling, and if my last comment means I am trifling then I am trifling. They just make me so aggravated...don't have me just around like you control my time...I don't work for you!!!!!!!

All I ask is that you respect my time.

So now I want to go back to Van...he really came and gave me what I needed. I mean I needed and wanted more, but it was good what I got.

I mean I SO WANTED TO FUCK HIM TILL HE SCREAMED MY NAME!!!! :-D

Also to be honest even though I claim to be more a top-vers, but with him for some reason I claim to be more a vers...I WANTED HIM TO FUCK THE SHIT OUTTA ME!!!!!! ;-)

Lord I need help...I am such a hot ass mess.

I know he is probably home now having a woe is me moment...I wanted to worry about it, and try to help him, but Jesus is working on it. He can be free and open now if he wanted, but he keeps seeing that he has to fight.

I understand though...I was the same way until I changed my P.O.V. and started asking better questions.

Look at this website for some nice examples of loving relationships. Thank God for being in love!!!! https://www.facebook.com/HeMeetsHim

Back to Van...not b/c I care about him, but b/c he makes me so DAMN MAD!!!!!!

He believes that being gay is wrong...or acting on your "gayness" if that makes sense. I cannot even tell you all the things that the bible talks about being against from the Old Testament to the New Testament that him and his family don't agree with and thus don't follow.

When you ask him why he has no answer. It is just something he was raised in, and he just goes with it. Too bad his family is prejudicial against gays otherwise he wouldn't have all this back and forth.

I want to be mad at him, but I know what he is going through, and I just feel it. If you guys could just have been here seeing what I've seen and feel what I feel. I mean he is so in love with me, and he so wants to be with me...

He needs a strong man in his life, and he needs a strong love in his life. I know he has both of these with Jesus, and I am so blessed that I can be that physical manifestation of that...to God be the Glory!!!

So I am going to trust God, cause in the end he wins. The only problem with being gay with everything we know now concerning the biblical scripture historians and professionals; the medical, scientific, and psychological experts in the world see gay as being natural and nothing wrong.

To be honest Van has enough to stand on...it is out there. The truth of the matter is that he wants to believe it is wrong...and that is his call. I don't want to stand in his way, and I am not...he wants me.

He told me that other men and pics, and basically everything else like that do nothing for him. That it is just the sound of my voice...I mean he is so stupid. What does he think all this means.

But I am not worried...

Jesus is good, and I know he is working.

So now I have to leave and get my father from the hospital, and if my mother is not coming home, I am not leaving...not a chance in hell. My father will take public transportation!!!

If that makes me trifling then so be it...

J-Bo

P.S. I just want it to be known that feelings aside I thank Van for all he has done and continues to do. I mean everything with my mom and just stuff. He has really been there...especially to answer my medical questions. I was going to stop, but I know he likes to help me...and laugh at me for that matter. I also tink it is good for him to do this...since he will be a practicing doctor in about a decade or so no sense he cannot get started now. :-)

P.P.S. I really want to fuck him...I really want him to fuck me. I need to go do something and keep busy. It is so funny cause he got me so hot I started to sweat...it was automatic. Not COOL!!!!!!!

When will this day end?? SO TIRED!!!!

So you guys know that my mother has been in the hospital sick with blood clots in her lungs. She is doing much better, and should be coming home soon. So we have to wait and see what is going to happen.

So then my sister's car gets all messed up last night, and she ended up having to stay the night. Then we get there today, and it had to be towed...her total is like $1700. She said she is just going to buy a new car and call it a day.

Anyway so I drove her all the way to Nyack b/c that is where she lives, and I had nothing else to do. While out there Van calls me and says he wants to hang. I say sure. We make plans to meet at school, but b/c I have more work to do he just ends up meeting me at my place.

When we get in my place he kisses me...I kiss him back.

We ended up having sex, but not going too far, because he had to leave. His mother and family were expecting him at a certain time.

So afterwards he is of course rushing out of the house...and I did feel like damn nigga slow your ass down. But I understand...he had to get back so he didn't have to deal with anything from his fam.

I understand that I was just overreacting...he of course said that he was starting to feel bad about it. It blows my mind how simple and slow he is sometimes. When I told him to think about it, and stop focusing on certain things, he just said he can't.

He reminds me of this lady that got divorced, because she was raised in the house where sex was considered a bad thing, and it was never talked about. So she gets married and her husband and her have sex 2x a year...his bday and new year.

All because of the beliefs she adopted from her childhood. I tried to tell him this, but it is something he has to see.

You would think after going right for so long, that he would stop and ask questions and just question things. It seems like he will question everything besides his sexuality...almost as if his family beat the "gay is horrible" thing to death.

I know the desires of his heart...I know that when he was here he was so happy, and he felt so good. He just is his worst enemy.

I do have to give him credit though...he has come through a lot lately, so I can be understanding and fair. He continues to be a great friend, and that means the world to me.

J-Bo

Back in the hospital...pray for us

Sending this from my phone...

My mother fainted and she is now back in the hospital.

I can barely remember the times that I have seen her crying, in pain, or looking scared. I am seeing all of that right now.

She is complaining of chest pains and that it is hard to breathe. I am praying that they can do something. I am asking God to take me...give her my strength and vitality and put me in the hospital.

Make me sick and make her whole. I need my mommy.

I am barely keeping it together.

I need help...gotta go and be strong. I need to be strong.

I don't care what denomination you are or what belief but please pray, meditate, send love and healing to my mother and family.

Please just do something.

J-Bo

Why do I have to be me??

So I woke up and it is like my subconscious worked everything out for me, and I am not even mad anymore. For some reason I have a better perspective on things. I don't want perspective...I want to be angry.

I want to hate Van...I want to be mad at him...I want that when I think about him that when I hear his name I just want to do him harm. That if he was ever in danger ever in harms way or ever needed someone to talk to, laugh with, and dream with I wouldn't be there.

I know it seems kinda dramatic, but that is what I want. I want to be irrational and emotional and just a mental mess. I want to believe that I am right and I have no room for any errors...that I am without fault.

I wish I could be that arrogant.

Why do I still care?? Why do I still want the best for him?? Why do I still pray for him?? Why do I still love him??

As long as he and anyone else will know I hate him...I hate him with a vengeance and anything and anyone will believe me. I already told people not to mention his name to me. I feel my heart telling me that I am going to far and it won't work.

I'm not even mad anymore...if anything I am sympathetic. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!

The sad part is that he cannot be trusted as a friend. Forget all the romantic love stuff I am his best friend, and if he can treat me like this that tells me something about his character. When it gets bad he won't stand and fight...he will run.

Even saying that I know it isn't true...that he is a great friend to have. It is just that he is so....

The fact he said he is right w/o a shadow of a doubt and that there is no way he is wrong...ARROGANT BITCH ASS NIGGA!!!!!!! (as I smile)

Why do I have to be me??? Why can't I just say I feel bad and guilty about this so it must be wrong, and I cannot go forward. If everyone did that we would have nothing that we have now. If I was to let that cripple me I wouldn't dare go for my dreams.

I am designing my whole life from the ground up, and the man I want to be is so much different than the man I am now.

J-Bo

Cried tears of sorrow, pain, and anger.

I don't even want to say what happened between me and Van now. The funny thing is that I am so tired.

It is clear that no matter what happens he just doesn't care. He believes that there is no room for error and he is so correct and without fault. That he has the answer and he cannot be wrong...there is no way he can be wrong.

There is a picture that I saw today that I am going to share with you guys, and it is the truth. I am so sick and tired of this. I want God to harden my heart and make me into the rest of these guys out there.

If I was like that I would get some respect and I would get what is deserved to me. Never again...never again. I told him that if he wants me to be dead to him then he can consider me dead and I will never call him again. I will never reach out to him again.

I told him to delete me from his life, from his memory, from facebook, from it all.

It is so arrogant and ignorant to say that you have all the answers, but I understand what this means. If he doesn't love me, and doesn't want anything to do with romantically he could be man enough and say that.

I've been keeping some health concerns from everyone, and I feel like my body is attacking myself. I need to go to the hospital.

I am done caring and giving to other people. I am tired of being a man of integrity, and understanding.

I already told everyone else that they can talk to him, but keep my name out of their mouth. To forget that I exist. Don't mention my name, don't talk about west indians, don't talk about anything that can be linked back to me.

Don't talk about anything that has a hint of me...from gay life to anything. Talk only about things that are on his preapproved list since he is such a man whose life is dictated by his emotions. Feel bad must be bad, and feel good then it is a go. No matter what.

I cried and cried, and he could care less about it. He could care less about my health, life, or anything about me.
J-Bo

If I didn't love him, I would kill him

So Van and I were suppose to meet up at school today, and I worked really hard to get some serious feelings under control. So that when I see him I can be the machine and nothing would get through...as long as he doesn't touch me that is. :-)

So we made plans to meet at school and see an open mic and knowing the person throwing it, we might even have been asked to sing. I was really looking forward to it.

So while I am on the bus really looking forward to it, and excited, I get a phone call from him saying it doesn't feel right. What he meant was that he was feeling guilty and bad about how he was feeling, and he takes that to mean he is doing something wrong.

I just wish he would get control of his emotions already...he is his own worst enemy...I swear he is.

So I had to jump off the bus, and now I am totally broke. I was counting on him to put me back on the bus or train so that I can get home. And I was starving...I was going to eat something when I got to school.

At those events they normally have free food and drinks so I wasn't worried about that.

I should've known better...I should've asked him how he was feeling. But he acts like he cannot control how he feels...like he is a victim and that pisses me off more than anything else. All I wanted to do was hang out with Van and then head home with good memories.

So now I know what I have to do...always check first, and have a plan E-Z.

So thank God I am home safe, and I am now bored, tired, and not really upset just disappointed. I am so tired being the good guy and always understanding. Why can't he wake up and say I am tired...I will be the man I want and be with the man I want. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

So I will hold on, and I will keep my mouth shut and smile. He doesn't care about how I feel about it...I just have to be understanding. He is my friend and I would do this for anyone of course he gets more strikes since he is who he is.

I am obviously not praying enough...

J-Bo

Jesus HELP!!!!!!

Sorry for being MIA for the last few days. Been busy getting this business going, and it is not easy at all, but the payoff will be worth it. Nothing to do, but keep at it, and stay flexible. Just taking it one day at a time.

So you guys know that Van stopped talking to me for a while, and is now talking to me again. We have been having some very good conversations...it has been like old times.

The thing is that we were suppose to meet last week, but he said no b/c he felt someway about it. I didn't want that, so I said ok...we said rain check.

Then we made plans to see each other tomorrow. He basically told me that he wanted my ass, dick, balls, and mouth completely tomorrow. I had to be strong and told him no. He doesn't deserve just random sex, and neither do I.

Even though it is not random, and I feel we are tied and connected like any married couple would be it is the mental stuff that I am worried about. To make a long story short I fought him off...so we are not meeting tomorrow.

And may I tell you this I am so mad...I want to see him. I want to kiss him. I want to fuck him. I want to swallow him. Excuse me for being vulgar, but that is my man and I believe he would be my husband.

Now here is the thing...he no longer has a problem with being gay...he just has a problem with acting on his gay feelings. I know...trust me I know. -_-

So he says that he doesn't need anyone to say anything to him...it is just how he feels. I just want him to realize that we can not always go on how we feel. That God has given us the keys and tools to design the life of our dreams.

That is why he is going to be a fine doctor, and a great Opera Star, because it is what he wants to do.

I also told him what I want, and I know what he wants. But he did say he can't meaning won't give it to me and to him. Where there is doubt and fear it can cripple even the strongest man...and Van is but a man.

J-Bo

Edge of Glory

My boy Mack is on the verge of death...but thing is that I have faith that he is doing ok. That he will come out of it.

My friend Tony and Mack's husband are there taking care of him. I am getting ready to leave at a moment's notice.

Mack is doing daily colonics with wheat grass juice. He has given up solid foods and is juicing green leafy greens, and drowning his body in nutrients and vitamins and minerals.

I am so lost and hurt right now, but I am praying and I trust that God is working something. I have faith that things are going to be better. I have the faith that everything will be alright.

They sent Mack home since everything is stable, and Corey said that he isn't doing everything and they go back to see the doctor on Monday, and should get blood results rushed and seen by Wednesday.

I am so drained, and my other friend here is doing well. I am having some serious chest pains, and body aches. Also my head has been banging...what am I going to do?? I am so tired, and so drained...I need me a resolution.

I got Dishone, Aaron, Steve, and my brother here. We are having a good time...they asked for Van. I know they miss him, but nothing can be done.

J-Bo

About my last post...

I just want to make it known that even though my feelings for Van have not changed we are not together. I was out there having a good time today and of course I got to watch my Glee and I so want to be on that show. I belong on that show.

Anyway I went to go see my godson, and he is beautiful. But while talking to his parents I realized that even though I love Van and we can be together and make it work, because of theological/religious differences we are not together.

I am looking to grow deeper in God and I want a man that loves God first and me second. I want a man that loves me for who I am and can help me raise up in areas where I fall short. Van and I helped each other where the next one falls short. I want that...I need that in my life.

So even though I do love Van flaws and all, and he does the same for me, until he changes his views on things then we cannot move forward. So I see him as a great friend.

He did say that I am his first and his last, and I truly believe that is the way it should be. I like the idea of that. Is that bad?? :-)

Anyway I am off to bed soon...talking to my friend Steve about church and getting him to be more consistent. I gotta take the advice I am giving him.

One thing I knew that being with Van was giving me was more structure in some areas...I could still care less about having religion...give me relationship and spirituality any day, but a little religion won't hurt.

So what to do tomorrow?? Work and start making moves. Like Van said I know it is my destiny and I have to go forward with no fear and just take whatever happens and comes my way.

J-Bo

I'm in love with a red head...flaws and all O_o

So I went to school yesterday and I saw Van. We talked, we laughed, and we drove around, and then we just went home. To our own homes.

It was a real fun time...I miss seeing him smile, and he still looks so good. Flaws and all. :-)

Then one of my kids who live in San Fran tells me he has stage 2 prostate cancer, heart disease, lung disease, asthma and more. That is what it is, and I am in dying over here. Van gave me the news, and now I am talking to the kids. He handled it very well.

My kid is going to go the raw food route to get healthy. The natural holistic way, and I respect that. I am going to do it with him for support. Not going to be easy, cause food is addictive, but I have to do it. For him and for my own health and well being.

After all that Van and I talked about life, and love. He asked me if I moved on, and if I threw him away? I gave him the truth...how could I?? Never before has someone owned my heart in such a way, that just being near him makes me smile.

So we are just friends even though I really want to kiss him. I want to see him today, and just spend time with him, but I don't have the right to ask him to hang out...I guess I do. But I know he said he had plans to sleep and to eat and run errands.

We will see, but I like where he is. I am so looking forward to wherever he goes in life, and whatever he does. His current plan is to become a doctor, and I cannot wait to see him as a doctor.

The only thing that sucks is that he wants to be with me, and I want to be with him, but b/c he feels God says no then it is what it is. When he changes his belief systems and decides that maybe he can be with me, that he has to fight. He can have it all if he truly wants it. But that is for him...until then we will just be friends and call it cool.

Ok guys...I am going off to shower and head out and do some work. Hope you guys are having better times than me, and those of you in love hold onto it...cherish it. Please cause when it is gone it is so good.

J-Bo

Obama's New Ad

All I have to say is that I am so proud of my president, but I need to take a nap...long day.

I'll give you guys an update later on how my day went.

J-Bo

So my night has been ruined...can't wait for tomorrow

Goodnight you guys...I need to vent a little.

First my parents go to the movies, and when they come back they were in a nice mood...until my father sees a letter from the IRS on the table from me. Actually it started before that.

My father has a habit of asking questions and then bitching and moaning about your answers. I swear it makes me sick, and it forces me to answer his questions with a yes or no as much as possible, because I know it pisses him off.

So the reason why I got an IRS letter is that I was "asked" by my parents to put down that I could be claimed on their taxes...I didn't because I can't but they bitched and moaned so I changed it.

Now I got a letter from the IRS telling me that I have to fix some discrepancies and I might have to pay more than $1,000. What the hell?!?!?!?! All because they twisted my arm I am being forced to pay for something I didn't want to do.

*&#*#T# #&@&*##*&^ #@^#^#@*&^#@@!###^*#&@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So not only did my parents mostly, my father piss me off to end with his Bitching and Nagging, but now I have to deal with this IRS drama. WTF?!?!?!?! One step forward and something is trying to knock me 2 steps back.

The other thing that is pissing me off royally is that I there are people out there not saying that they have HIV and other STIs and are infecting people. More recently there was this man in his 30s Keith “Keyoko” Sumlin was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old bareback and giving him HIV.

This sadly is not unusual. I guess it is also why the black community has the highest rates of HIV and AIDS than all other races. Smh.

There is also the story of Larry Dunn Jr. a straight man killing his girl Cicely Bolden a single mother of two. Wanna know why if you don't already know...she gave him HIV and then tried to break up with him. He killed her in retaliation.

She waited till after sex to tell the man that she was HIV positive. He went nuts and sorry to say I understand him.

Why have sex know you are sick and not tell people. It is irresponsible, disgusting, and disgraceful.

My dick is going near no one another person. I am going to just assume that everyone and anyone is infected that way I won't have to worry about anything. I hope I find someone worthy of my love and heart again, but until then I am not letting no one near me sexually.

This makes me miss Van. We both were faithful. He would like to bring up those other girls and guy, but that happened when we broke up...his fault so I don't count those. And I used protection like you would not believe. LOL...I didn't do anything I couldn't wear a condom for...I was that serious.

Well thanks for the rant...I have a busy day of working on music tomorrow in the practice room and ear training and just piano skills. So much to do...I also need to get the hell outta this house, and find out what I am going to do about this IRS business.

Wish me luck guys...

J-Bo

P.S. Also talked to Van today via FB...didn't talk about anything serious, but it was nice. He felt very distant, but I am not going to read anything into it. He obviously still feels I am public enemy number 1. He won't question it, fight it, or anything...he is just going to obey and follow. I miss the leader I knew...i miss my friend.

P.P.S. I saw on FB Van is going to be getting a voice lesson in school tomorrow, and I made plans to be in school since Monday. So to make sure I don't bump into him I am going to avoid the rooms where he could be and just go to the practice rooms and stay outta the way. I know he doesn't want to see me, and I don't want to be seen by someone who obviously feels annoyed by the sight of me. Do you believe me...am I convincing?? :-)

Give the people what they want...

So I have been getting text and phone calls asking me to come to school tomorrow. Got some music to work on, and have some songs to sing. Going to see about sitting my voice teacher's private lesson with a great mezzo.

Not sure when I will get there, but I know I will be spending most of the time in the practice room, working on some songs. Every time I am in the practice rooms it feels nostalgic. All the times I would spend with Van. All my friends. Spending time working on pieces getting ready for performances. :-)

Such great times upstairs...from all sides.

So tomorrow I will be in the practice rooms having the time of my life. I cannot wait...singing songs and the harmonies. Funny how that is one thing that Van always was pushing and it stuck. LMAO!!!! I actually love singing harmonies, and I am getting better and better.

Funny how things are going...smh.

So now back to work, and my nephew is coming over to hang out. I assume he wants money, but I don't want to jump to conclusions.

J-Bo

Awesome day today...AWESOME!!!!!!

I have to say that I am having the time of my life. Despite my father just in my ear bothering the hell outta me, and my mother just being who she is I came to school.

First I had a great time seeing one of my voice teachers. We shall call him the Master, because I consider him to be a master. I sat in one of his voice classes, and I was able to get a voice lesson...about close to an hour.

It was just so much fun...

Of course I was doing things kinda wrong. He said that my voice sounds awesome and beautiful and has more presence than most. (I love compliments btw...like a lot.) But my voice can be more free, more resonant, and just easier to use.

I was pushing too much air, and had some tensions, but nothing a few lessons won't fix, and now I know what to work on. Gotta get these oratorios and arias and spirituals down. I was told to not worry about the oratorio Elijah for now, but I will work on it...can't hurt and Lent will be here sooner than I know.

So much to do and get ready for and all I want to do is rest and sleep. Cannot allow that to happen...

On a side note I am looking forward to Glee and Shark Tank starting a new season. It actually shows both sides of me really well. The musical/artist side of me, and then the business/finance side of me. I LOVE THESE SHOWS!!!!!!! :-)

Last night I had a phone call from my kids in San Fran...they pissed me so off. I don't like domestic violence...at all. I mean a lil fighting is to be expected, but it should never get physical. No one should put hands on the next...it shouldn't happen.

Anyway I am waiting for one of my friends to get out of class, and I am looking for something to do. Maybe it is time to go to the library and catch some zzzzs before she comes get me. Alright guys...I will give you guys an update later on other areas.

J-Bo

An Interesting 48 Hours...and It Keeps Getting Better

So these past 48 hours have been a trip. Minus my mother being in serious pain and all things have been pretty good. I have to head over to her soon to make sure that everything is okay, and my father isn't driving her bat shit crazy. :-)

But first it starts on Thursday when I had a great time with some friends, and we just sang songs. We sang love songs, jazz, gospel, and more. I was able to get out so much drama and so much pain that was in me.

Then on Friday I went to church and heard a great message. Can't remember what it was about...I have really bad short term memory. Blessing and a curse.

Then I went out to a nice lounge type place with Aaron, Steve, and even Dishone. It was a gay spot, and what I am so happy about is that Dishone actually had fun. He was dancing with his man, and the rest of us. He was like prime meat in that place so he didn't stray to far with fears of being molested. :-D

I was the only one not really dancing b/c the spot we went to played mostly rap/hip-hop and spanish music. Now I can get down, but I wanted to hear some reggae, dancehall, and soca. Music of my land, but it was w/e.

Before we got there Dishone was like I am only going to make Aaron happy and b/c he promised. He was of course getting all bad and anxious about it...he even brought up how he felt convicted about being with Aaron earlier on, and being convicted is a sign of God in your life.

I don't believe that totally. I mean for Dishone going out and dancing was always seen as a bad thing, but for me it literally isn't anything to even talk about the next day. I told him that your convictions are your convictions, and mine are mine. That as we grow and change they also change.

He had convictions about his sexuality, but as he grew as a man and Christian those feelings have changed. I also had to tell D that he cannot put his rules onto Aaron. I mean Aaron likes to go out every once and a while, and what is not Aaron's conviction isn't his conviction and vice versa.

The one thing I did with Van was to never put my rules on him, and I had to force him to do the same...not an easy thing to do btw. We always feel what we know and what we experience is best...at least the neurotics do.

Now today I went and met up with 5 real estate investors, and we are all talking game plans and strategies. Things are looking up.

To top it all off Van is talking to me now. Nothing serious...just about family stuff, and church stuff. I can almost here his voice, and see his eyes roll, and see him shake his head. LOL...

I do miss him, but this is his doing, and he can change and fix it when he wants. I just really miss the punches and kicks, and him being there. Oh well...time to get out of here soon and do more work.

Ttyl.

J-Bo

P.S. I cannot wait to see how far I go before the year is over, and I am tired of waiting for the church to open up membership. I wanna be a member already. Not sure why... :-P

Obama for 2012

All I am going to say is to read and listen to what Obama said.

At a later date I will put up all 3 key speeches given at DNC...

A new day is here, and we are moving forward. My God is REAL!!!!

Have a great night ppl.

J-Bo

Damn love songs. :-)

So I was driving from seeing my mother in the hospital and she is doing ok. She should be out soon God willing...we will have to wait and see.

So I was driving and listening to all these love songs...cause that is what is on the radio. Also in the hospital I saw this gay couple that reminds me of Van and I. This guy was going to visit his boyfriend during his shift before he went home.

They met with a kiss, and we spoke for awhile. It was nice...makes me feel hopeful and sad at the same time.

One of my cousins wanted to see what Van looked like so I showed her his fb page. She was not impressed and was like he doesn't look like anyone would deal with him after the first headache.

I laughed at her...she can be hard, but she is known for giving the facts as they are seen, and being hard and upfront about it. It is not a game with her...she is one of those honest to a fault ppl.

But here is the thing yes Van had some issues. He wasn't all that cute, he wasn't perfect, he had some stuff going on that a lot of ppl would look and turn away from, but there is something about that man. There really is.

I cannot explain what it is...yes a lot of ppl would not want him, but he is so special and so valuable. It is something that you understand when you are in it.

I know I am not the most good looking and I have my issues. Funny cause I look at my faults in a real way, but I get a lot of play from men and women and I cannot understand. My father said there is something about me that draws people to me, and rallys them.

He is always talking like I am going to be some major force. Gotta love him, but I don't see it. Even Van and Dishone called me a preacher...don't see that one for shit. :-D

He fb messaged me today to tell me that he was praying for my mother and me, because she was going into surgery. I wanted to ask him lunch today to see him, and just laugh with him...but he is still pulling away from me.

Shame when someone who calls you their best friend, lover, and husband pulls away. What is also funny is that today in the hospital some girl tried to talk to me, and w/o thinking I said I am in a committed happy relationship and walked off...

Of course that happened after I saw the happy couple that reminded me of Van and I. God work it out...in the meantime I have things to do.

Time to watch some tv, probably make some phone calls and then hit the bed. I am watching the DNC again, but this one features Bill Clinton.

I swear I am going to make this world a better place for the outcast...

J-Bo

Can't stop crying...

So much going through my head.

My mother going in for major surgery and that is all that I want to say right now about that. I don't want to think about it.

My grandmother is in the hospital and it doesn't look good.

People are calling me around the clock for help and advice, and I feel like I am drowning.

I have so much riding on my shoulders...I feel overwhelmed. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!

I just have to get it together and keep moving forward.

My friend Tony calls me to just talk and I know something is up. We talk and I give him what I can...he said it helped above and beyond what he thought. I am glad.

Ok guys...gotta go. Duty calls.

J-Bo

Michelle Obama...MY GOD WHAT A WOMAN!!!!!

If you didn't see the speech that Michelle Obama gave, please look for it and watch it. I am going to get it myself and save it.

It has been a while since I have been spurred on like that...I really felt like God was speaking through that woman. I have never been prouder to be a black man.

When I get the video of Michelle's speech I will be sure to post it on here, but for now I want to leave you guys with this...It is our time.

I will not be deterred, and I will not be held back.

No video, no more words...just tears and emotions of pride, joy, and purpose.

J-Bo

Filled with Pride and Admiration

Today was a great day. First I was in my campus today getting more music and rehearsing for these auditions and competitions.

It was so nice that walking around the whole day people where walking up to me talking to me, and just asking me about my life. LMAO!!!!

I am like stop playing...only a summer has passed. I feel really blessed to be so loved and appreciated.

Then I went into my old chorus room during that class time, to ask the professor why is he doing spirituals in chorus the year that I am not there. He said there is a solo that would be perfect for me, and he thought of me.

I might be getting a performance opp...look out for more info on that.

To add more good stuff on an already awesome day, I walked into chorus and I had people just scream my name and run up to hug me and just surround me. I felt like a freaking star.

I don't see what these people see in me...I don't see what they see. I just thank them for seeing what they see, and being nice enough to come out and tell me.

On my way home I get a phone call from Aaron and Dishone, both complaining about what is really nothing. It got fixed, and I just felt moved to give God glory for bringing these two together. I am so blessed to know them...I want the kind of love they have.

I had it, but I will get it back again. God is too good to me. I gotta go guys...got work to do and get ready for tomorrow. Love talking to you guys. Night.

J-Bo

Take Me to The King...

Getting ready to get out of here, and this was on my heart.

I love my God so much...I want you all to know that when I say I love you I mean it.

I may not know you, but understand when I am called I respond. We are all brother and sisters...we are connected.

J-Bo

Listen to the words and melody

Just wanted to share this with you guys...

These songs were on my heart, and I wanted you guys to listen and just feel where I am right now.

Don't know why, but here they are...just beautiful love songs and I have some ideas I will talk to you guys about later.

J-Bo

A New Life

Guys I am so blessed. I have to thank God right now. I just have to give God the praise and all the glory.

From hanging out with my friends last night and acting like a fool...to having such an anointing fall on the place in church. I just wish I wasn't so tired lol...kinda fell asleep during the message. :-)

But still such an anointing fell through on me. I am starting to see what shouting is all about. It is just like when I hear a song and I have to dance. It is dancing, but for church.

So tomorrow is the West Indian Day parade, but I don't think I am going. I am looking forward to getting some work done, and then having a relaxing day.

I am staying positive, focused, and prayed up. I must say that I love where I am heading...just have to work hard.

Been talking to my kids and to Pastor and Tony and my friends here and everyone is doing well. Of course I still have people calling me asking for help and guidance. I wonder what the hell do they see in me that they think I can help. God knows, but it comes through me from Jesus.

I still wonder what is going on with Van. I don't ask the kids for any information other than is he happy and healthy. They tell me he says he is, and so with that I am happy. I know there is something else going on, but Van is stubborn. He only sees and deals with what he wants to.

LMAO!!!! The man can have a leech on his arm, but if he chooses to ignore it and act like it doesn't exist then that is what he is going to do. Smh...so stubborn. :-)

I have so much I want to say and share and just let out...not an easy task, but not an impossible one. God has given me a way to get everything out and into the world...which is good b/c I feel like I am over flowing with stuff.

Time to get ready for tomorrow...nite.

J-Bo

Interesting read on what goes on in nature...

Homosexuality – Natural As Nature Intended

07/06/2012

6 Comments

 

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Homosexuality – Natural As Nature Intended
Discreet City I Octavius Williams

Anyone who grew up in the church and listened to stories of the ancient biblical times, most likely never heard anything positive about homosexuality even though the pews and choir was filled with homos.  It was taught that something so “unnatural and abominable” didn’t occur in nature and a sin that was restricted to man.
 
Around age 15, I remember seeing a National Geographic special about the great apes.  In one segment they highlighted Bonobo Chimps; a species of great apes in Africa.  I was fascinated to learn Bonobos are exclusively bisexual.
 
Sexual intercourse with Bonobos is used as a greeting, a means of forming social bonds, a means of conflict resolution, and post-conflict reconciliation. Bonobos have been observed having face-to-face genital sex, tongue kissing, oral sex along with regular sex for breeding. Bonobos do not form permanent monogamous sexual relationships with individual partners. They also do not seem to discriminate in their sexual behavior by sex or age. When Bonobos discover a new food source or feeding ground, the increased excitement will usually lead to communal sexual activity, presumably decreasing tension and encouraging peaceful feeding.

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Bonobo males occasionally engage in various forms of male–male genital behavior.  This includes penis fencing and penis rubbing, which is when two males rub their penises together while in a face-to-face position. Another form of genital interaction ("rump rubbing") occurs to express reconciliation between two males after a conflict, when they stand back-to-back and rub their scrotal sacs together.

This was all fascinating to my teenage mind because up until this point I heard that homosexuality does not occur in nature and was limited only to humans.

Since then science has shown us that homosexuality and bisexuality exist is hundreds of animals including primates, big cats, birds, giraffes, elephants, dolphins, insects…the list goes on.

Very few animals actually engage in long-lasting or exclusively homosexual relationships but it does happen.  For example one species in which exclusive homosexual orientation occurs, is that of some domesticated sheep. About 10% of rams (males) refuse to mate with ewes (females) but do readily mate with other rams. 

Male African and Asian elephants usually live away from the general matriarchal herd and some form bisexual companionships that can last for years which include the males mounting one another or practicing simulated mating.

I was also shocked to learn that there are plenty of male mammals that actually practice homosexual anal intercourse, like bottlenose dolphins and American bison. Some mammals like male giraffes will actually engage in anal intercourse until climax.

After years of reading, viewing documentaries, analyzing, contemplating and self reflecting I came to a very real and true conclusion that many past and present already knew.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality.  Once I understood this, I almost felt like I had been fooled for all those years.

The scale and spectrum of sexuality is vast and broad.  I find it intriguing that the many present minds and collective thoughts of societies around the world don’t realize their negative view towards homosexuality is only a couple hundred years old at the most.  Not to say that there were not ancient societies that had disapproving attitudes towards same sex coupling but for the majority of the ancient civilized world...this was an open non-issue.  The word homosexual didn’t even exist in print until the late 1860’s.

I looked to past cultures and attitudes in ancient Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Pacific regions, Europe and North America concerning homosexuality.  It helped me to love and understand my sexuality today.  Researching and learning about nature and the animal kingdom, helped me understand my sexual desires are not only normal but natural.
 
For so many, the struggles with sexuality dominates their entire being.  It controls their actions and thoughts which can lead to negative results like depression, suicide, drug abuse and anti-gay therapy.  For what?  All because people on the outside are telling you how you should feel and what you should desire on the inside.
 

If you are an individual reading this and you are struggling with your sexual identity and sexuality; ask yourself why is there a struggle?  There is nothing unusual about homosexuality.  It has existed for thousands if not tens of thousands of years and is quite regular and ordinary.
 
Your sexual existence is as ingrained in mankind's history as was looking to the night sky and stars for guidance and direction.  It has existed and does exist on every continent and in animal and human kind alike.
 
There is absolutely nothing unnatural about your homosexuality or bisexuality.  It is not some unnatural or abominable thing in which modern society has created it to be.  Homosexuality is a natural desire that will continue to prevail as long as we thrive on planet earth. We all can gain by releasing the struggle, accepting this truth and loving ourselves.


If you are interested in learning more about homosexuality in the animal kingdom, there is a great documentary on the subject titled Out in Nature: Homosexual Behavior in the Animal Kingdom.